I'm coming back to you. (Destiel)

Letters

Tears were running down Dean Winchester's face as he stumbled over to the desk. Frantically he searched for a sheet of paper and a pencil. He quickly began to write, tears dripping onto the page below.

'Dear Cas,

I know I will be with you again long before anyone else can read this... but today I visited our beach again. At the beach I found a smooth shell. I thought of you. Your soft smooth skin, your shining lips, and that glow you always got in your eyes when you looked at me.

I can't do it Cas. I'm sorry I can't go on, not without you. I still have the shell I found... I couldn't let it go. It’s in my hand along with your picture. I have one of your records playing behind me baby. I'm listening to him Cas, Elvis. Remember, I can dig Elvis.

I'm coming back to you baby. I'm so sorry for everything. I did this to us. I did this.

My vision is becoming blurry now baby. I don't have too much time left. But don't worry; don't be scared I'm coming to see you. We're going to be together again.

Funny, my dad always told me I was too weak to live a full life. I see now that he was right. I can't live without you Cas. I need you.

I'm looking at your picture baby. I'm holding the shell that reminds me of you, and I'm listening to Elvis... I wouldn't want to go any other way. I'm remembering all the good times we had together. I remember giving you that ride on my motorcycle when we first met after that party baby. God, it feels like I've been through 40 years of hell since that day. Since I last saw you....

I remember the milkshakes and that first kiss. I remember how mad I made you that day. The first time we made love, I remember that too. I remember all the times we made love. How could I forget with a partner like you.

I remember the race track. You watching me, scared out of your mind with worry for me.

Well Damn... look at how careless I've been my entire life... and look at who's the one still alive. It should be you. Not me. I don't deserve to live after what I did to us, what I did to you.

Baby, I remember sneaking behind the racetrack with you. I remember the beach; remember it like it was yesterday. The wind, the smell, the rain, and your face... your voice baby I remember it all. I remember your shells, the pictures you took, the video we made. I remember you telling me you loved me. I remember listening to Elvis with you and kissing you. I remember looking into your eyes always wondering what you were thinking. I remember when you comforted me before I left for 'nam. I remember missing you every damn day. I kept your picture; you know that one that was supposed to keep them from taking me away from you...

I remember how you hugged me when I got back. God was I glad to see you.

I remember how you tried to help me when I sank into myself. How I hid myself away from you. I remember leaving. I swear I thought it was for the best. If I could live my life over... that is the one thing I would have changed. I would have never left you baby. I wanted to come back as soon as I left, but i couldn't stand to see the pain in your eyes anymore. I didn't want you to see me crumble. Thinking back now... that probably would have been better. I would have still been with you.

I remember seeing you at that hospital. Me leaving is what put you there. I broke you. The one thing I was trying not to do baby, and for that... I'm sorry. You had such a bright future before I came and fucked it all up for you. I remember showing you the video of the beach. You got so much sicker so damn fast. I know you were waiting for me to come, that's the reason you held on so long. I remember that smile on your face when you held Sam and Jessica's little girl. I wish we could have had.....-

I remember that last day. You told me that I had finally come home. Your memories had scrambled. You thought I was coming home from 'nam. Coming back to you. I still remember it Cas. It's been a year now. To the day. I don't know how I have lived this long without you....

I remember it. A Thursday. Outside it was actually a nice sunny day. I don't know how the sun could have possibly shone when such an amazing man left me that day....

I remember singing to you baby. Elvis. When you were gone I remember clutching you, I broke down. I cried like I had never cried before. I cried because you were- no… are my baby. My baby was taken away from me. This time it was you who left me. I now realize more fully what I did to you baby, but I realized it too late.

I remember your funeral Cas... it was so painful. I watched as you were lowered into the ground. I think then is when it finally hit me that you were truly gone baby.

Finally, I remember reading your letters. All of them that you left me. I read them and re-read them till my eyes stung so bad I couldn't read them anymore. And that last letter.... it’s in my pocket baby. A constant reminder of what I did and what I lost. I still have all the letters you wrote me, the records too. I even bought you some new ones. I also still have our video.... I watch it every now and then. I don't want to ever forget your perfect face, or your sweet deep voice, and everything that we had. You know, now if you looked in that box of your letters baby... you'll find all the ones I wrote back to you. All of them, except this one Cas.

I wish we didn't have to end like this baby. I wish we could have lived in that house we always dreamed of. Sitting in our old rocking chairs together, Elvis playing softly in the background. But now, we're going to be together again. I'm making sure of that baby. You and me. Together, forever. I'm coming back you now, because you can't come back to me. I'm sorry Cas. I'm so sorry... for everything.  I'm like the ocean, and I promise to come back to you even when they pull me way. I love you.

-See you then.'

Dean Winchester shuttered as the pencil clattered down onto the desk. Hands shaking uncontrollably, body quaking as the hand full of pills he had swallowed earlier quickly began to shut down his body. He glanced one last time at the photograph of the man he loved so dearly.

By now his head was light, vision was so blurry, he could barely see the old photograph. He felt like he was starting to float away. A high pitched whistling had started in his ears. Everything was spinning. His mind began to move slower. The world came to a crawl. He gasped, shaking as he took his final breath.

In his last moment he pictured the two of them, happy, together on the beach as his eyes closed for the very last time. His head smacked sharply down onto the table, fingers still clutched the worn photograph loosely. In the background Elvis played slowly

‘But I…. can't…. help…. falling in love with youuuuuu.’

Dean Winchester died on a Friday. It was a dark, stormy day, exactly one year after Castiel had passed.

In the distance Dean could see a light flooding through his closed lids, it was coming to meet his body where he lay dead.