Borderline

Chapter 1: continued

The rest of the day the message did not leave my mind. What do I do? Am I ready for this? Time has stopped. I look at the time and it's 3:46. Minutes feel like hours. Unable to concentrate on my work I turn to my coworker Tiffany. "Tiff... Are you busy?" She rolls out of her desk and looks at me. I can tell she wants to know what happened. Earlier in the morning I had told her that I was finally going to meet the girl I've been gushing over for the last couple weeks. " so how did it go? I've been waiting for you to tell me since lunch" she says. "It went well, I think I blew it though..." I look at her and shrug. With a stern face and angry voice she looks at me and yells "What the hell did you do Stephanie?" " I'm not sure. When we talked everything was going well and she asked me if I like children and I was honest with her, I told her it depends on how their parents raise them, you know. The same thing I've told you." She looks at me confused. She has no idea where I'm going with this. " what does that have to do with anything?" I look at Tiffany and realize this is the first person that is going to know. " she texted me after she left and told me again that her life is really complicated and by that she meant that she was in a long term relationship with a guy and has two kids... she also told me I was beautiful, that's a good thing right?" Her jaw just dropped and she asks me "what did you say?"
"I haven't responded yet, I'm not sure what to do. Like is she still with this guy, am I just a side project for her while she lives the white picket fence life?" My breath is short... "Tiff, what the fuck should I do? I really like her?" She looks at me and shakes her head "I don't know, but tell me what happens" she laughs " I need to know".
"I'm going to need you to calm down" I said to her. I thought of every possible scenario throughout the day. What if the kids don't like me? What if she is still with that guy? What if he is crazy and tries to hurt me? Does he know? Do they have some sort of arrangement where they put up a front for the family? I look at the time it's 5:26. Almost time to go home. 5:30 and I ran out side, before I even got into my car I called my mom.
"Hey baby what's up" she always sounds so happy when I call.
" hi mom. I think i might have a problem, I need your advice"
"What's going on love?"
"Remember the girl I was telling you about? The one I've been talking to?" I told her with worry in my voice.
"Yes honey, how did it go today?"
"I think it went well" my voice was slightly high pitch at the end there. "She ended up texting me after we met and told me something's and I'm not sure what to do...."
After explaining the entire situation all my mom had to say was "honey, do what you think you can handle. This is a lot of responsibility but I know you, this could possibly be the best thing for you"
I was left confused. How did she think this could be good for me? I have never been able to keep a stable relationship and let alone one with kids. I always loved kids and the idea of having them has always intrigued me but I was more scared than anything. So many thing could happen. What if this doesn't work out? Not only will I fall in love with her but also with them. I won't lose one person, I'll lose three. Is this something I am able to handle?
"I'm going to talk to her now. Thank you mom, I love you"
"I love you too babygirl"
I open up the message again and read it. I have typed out so many different responses and still don't know what to say. Finally I decide, I'll keep it simple.
-that's not an issue love but I do have a lot of questions that I would like to talk about in person-

The wait for her response is killing me. It's been 30 seconds and I've already unlocked my phone like 8 times. she responded
-of course, we can definitely talk about everything whenever you are ready.
We continue on with a normal conversation about how the rest of the day went, pretty much avoiding all conversation about that until I see her again. She sends me a picture. It's the three of them. My heart stopped. This is real, this is it and oh my god this is what I want. I'm scared.