Borderline

Chapter 1: Nov 20th

Butterflies. So many butterflies in my stomach. Nervous did not actually even come close to what I was feeling. The night before was a mess. A tornado made its way through my bedroom. There were clothes everywhere but nothing to wear, nothing is good enough. Stereotypical woman, never knowing what to wear despite the entire department store we have in our closets. This was important like any first impression. It was critical I looked my best but also didn't look like I stay up until 2 in the morning trying on all my clothes while doing my hair. 11 days I spent. 11 days since the initial "hello". 11 days of speaking to her every day, every night. The day was finally here, I get to meet the woman who keeps me up all night with intriguing conversation, the one who I would lose sleep for every night but would NEVER regret every morning. There is so much to her, she's a mystery but I never want to solve it completely. It's Monday morning and I can't stop pacing, my heart is racing. I can't sit still. Four hours and I get to meet her. Fuck!, only four hours left. Sitting at my desk just thinking about the possibilities. What will come of this? My head is spinning, the butterflies turn into a sick feeling. I'm going to throw up. "Is everything okay today Stephanie?" My boss Alexandria asked me. "Everything is fine, just this feeling I have in my stomach, I'm a little nauseous but what's new." She laughs at me, she knows there's something more going on but doesn't want to pry. It's 12:58 and I have to go on break at 1 but where's Joey? If he doesn't come back on time I am going to kill him. It's 1:03 and I'm finally heading out, I hope she found this place okay. Look over my messages and she said "I'm here" but where? Scrolling up on our text and I notice I gave her the wrong building number. Texting her back as fast as I can but my service isn't sending the message. It sent! Now I just wait, I see this grey car come up and someone gets out. It's her, it's really her. I fix my hair, I look down at my dress. I wonder what she thinks of me?. I give her a half smile. That smile you give when you're nervous and don't know how to act. You don't want to seem to eager but you also want come across as friendly and inviting. "Sorry I gave you the wrong address, when I realized it I tried to text you back as soon as possible but my service here isn't the best." "It's okay, I'm Megan by the way" she says " and it's probably because you are so close to the airport". She smiles at me, she is still here, she saw me and got out of the car, she must be interested right?. Here are the butterflies again. They are back causing this warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. She's nervous too. I can see it in her eyes. She's moving around a lot, touch the metal bars of the steps where we are standing. It's getting awkward, I want to say something but I can't find the words... " My best friend came, she's in my car and drove off" and she smiles. " I was nervous and I didn't want to come alone". "There's nothing to be nervous about, you don't have to feel like that around me." Meanwhile I've already had 6 mental breakdowns in my head. I want to say so many things but I can't find the words. Her eyes, her smile, her lips. Why are you driving me so crazy. I just met you. "So this is where you work?" "Yes and I have the beach right across the street. It makes it so hard to want to be here" I laugh. "I bet" she says. You can tell she is looking for the words too. " so remember when I told my family is complicated?" "Yes." "Well they don't know I'm gay." "How? It's so obvious. No offense." " it's okay, I don't get offended easily " as she smiles, she continues. "I tried to tell my mom once that I like both men and woman to see how she would react and it wasn't pretty. She was no happy about it, so I told her I was kidding." So many things going through my head right now. She is in the closet! The only time I have ever been involved with someone who hid from her family, they lives 2000 miles and a plane ride away. Stephanie say something or else she is going to get the wrong impression. " that happens, it's okay. Sometimes it take time. I came out when I was 15. My mom was actually excited but then again all her friends are gay, which makes me wonder a few things about her" we both chuckle. She starts again "my family is really complicated, it's not that they don't except those things because they do but they don't want their children to be like that." She changes they subject "do you like kids?" "Yes and no" I say and I think I might have disappointed her so I continue into further explanation. " I like them, I really do but a lot has to do with how some parent raise them that I hate, you know what I mean?" " yea I get it" I think she is still disappointed, why is this so important for her?. My time is running up, actually it ran out 5 minutes ago. " I'm really late, I have to go back in but I'll talk to you later?" "Yes, ill text you" she says. I don't want this to be over. I'd rather say out here with her. "It was nice to finally meet you" I say as I move my hand across my face like the little rascals when they say ooo-tay. Why am I so awkward? " yeah you too" she says as she smiles and walks away to her car. I walk inside. I keep my phone in my pocket. I want to know is she text me anything and I don't want to wait for my next break to see it. My pocket vibrates, I pull out my pocket just enough so I can see the message. I read it and my stomach turned into a concrete mixer and the pit in my stomach is back. What does this mean?