Dear Many,
Yes, I was an asshole.
And I made some asshole moves.
I could have handled your relationship stuff better.
I know that.
And I am truly sorry.
I gave the wrong advice when it came to your cousin.
That was stupid of me.
And I'm truly sorry for that.
I will try to change myself for the better.
But your book,
It proves you haven't grown any.
You still think you're the victim in all this mess.
But the truth?
Many you were just as bad as I was.
And you need to own up to that.
I hope you know that I think of you every fucking day.
It hurts a lot.
But I'm going to move on from this.
And I would like you to with a better mind set.
So,
That's my apology part of this book.
Please take it in the sincerest of words,
Because the rest of this isn't one bit sincere.
And I don't want to be remembered like that.
I used to know you as a friend, no, a sister.
And I'm over that now.
And your heart isn't the only heart on fire.
My heart is a pot of water,
Sometimes it boils, and it goes back to cold.
"You hurt someone I love"
Excuse me but I mean honestly, I'm not the only toxic one here.
You guys are toxic
And enablers to each other.
It was everyday you had something that was wrong about your relationship and quite honestly Isa and I got annoyed by it.
I never saw you as "dumb" but just
Problematic.
And I mean, who can blame me?
You come up with something new every day that's terrible with you while Isa and I have to shut our selves away.
Isa told me she didn't like venting to you because you always brushed it off.
And ya know what? You did that a lot.
I mean its hard to talk about what's wrong with you while you can't get a chance to speak.
I didn't want to mention my problems after you vented because I didn't want to seem like an attention whore.
Mmmm.
MMMMMM..
I'm not saying you should shut yourself away,
But you should stop finding ways to be miserable.
I don't wallow in my misery,
I try to fix my problems.
I try to be happy.
I pray to be happy.
"My parents threatened to send me to a mental asylum"
"Yeah well so did mine"
The different between mine and your family is my family has the balls to do shit.
So,
I have a reason to be afraid.
Haha, ya know its kinda funny,
You feel the exact same way I did when I was younger.
Insanity,
Anger,
Perplexity,
The only difference between you and me,
Is that I didn't act disgraceful.
I didn't have a hissy fit publicly.
Ya know, after hearing people's experiences with you,
I've learned,
That no ones really has trusted you.
I'm not the only one.
Your girlfriends/boyfriends,
Apple,
Me,
And I bet there's more.
You don't have to forgive me for that fight.
I'm done with you.
Other people have problems, Many, not just the people you care about.
And Isa seems to get that,
So why don't you?
We're done here.
We're done talking to each other.
"I DO apologize to Al and Laf"
Sure you do,
So you fucking do.
You aren't sorry one bit.
You didn't even act sorry.
And you say you're not apathetic?
You say you aren't as horrible as I am?
What a fucking joke!
That's halirious!
Telling someone "I don't care if you kill yourself" isn't apathetic at all?
Something I've noticed recently is that you're deliberately trying to get me to commit suicide.
I asked Isa if she would remain friends with you if I committed suicide.
I told her she needs to stay friends with you because I remembered when I was like that.
And I regret telling her that,
But I'm not taking it back.
Because I know its what you need.
Making fun if the fact that I'm a cutter isn't apathetic?
Making fun of sensory problems isn't apathetic at all?
I can't fucking control that.
You made me ashamed.
I felt disgusting for being littered in cuts.
I felt gross as for having written what you said/made me feel like on my legs.
And I still do.
Even Isa says you're apathetic,
And I tried to defend you.
I tried reassuring myself that this was all my fault and that you're not apathetic,
But the truth?
You're more apathetic I could have even been.
