Lovesick Fool. [ S.T.H ]

Entry One.

Waking Up, Just Brings Me Down

— I'm so sick of love.
Was I not good at it? Did I need to be perfect for it to exist? Was I just meant to never be treated the damn way I wanted to be? Love for me is a train wreck, with feeling nothing but heartbreak in the end. Just when I thought I found my piece of heaven, it was crushed. It's been four weeks since she left me, not leaving a single trail behind her. Not a solid word. A distant stranger in my eyes, savior in my heart. She left me with nothing but the aching and throbbing of my heart, keeping me alive. She promised me she'd never leave me, even when she knew how unfortunate love was to my delicate heart. Love is full of temporary promises, which is what I've learned. Yet, throughout these past weeks, she hasn't left my mind, let alone my heart. It's like everyday, she haunts me with her presence, when she is physically not with me.
I love her, with every inch my body possesses. I couldn't say this in past tense, otherwise I would be lying. All the shit she's put me through this past month and yet, I want her. Only her. No one else could make me feel the way she did. She's all I ever wanted & I assumed she thought the same for me. Love just loves to play that game. It's called Temporary Bliss. It's pleasure for the present moment, but can't be handled in the future, or it gets too boring. I mean, what even is Love? What did this girl even do me to me? Well, let me start with the day she left me. April 21st.

Sonic T. Hedgehog
April 21st.
6:09 am.

I woke up to the harsh racket of large raindrops smacking against my window and the clapping of thunder vibrating against the walls. With all the sounds echoing in my ear, I refused to open my eyes. My body was curled slightly, with my arms and legs spread out like a young kid, as I would just nuzzle my nose against the softness of the pillow that my head rested on. The bitter cold of the outside gave me more the reason to keep warm under the covers, letting the sounds become my soothing lullaby. Sadly, it didn't do the job. The sounds would just constantly make my eyelids flutter, with nothing but a blurred, dark vision. Then, nothing but black, once my eyelids adjusted. I would just let out a soft breath, while continuously adjusting my head position on my pillow, feeling nothing but discomfort. Not from my position or physical feel, but in my stomach. The atmosphere didn't seem right. With the storm awaking my slumber and the distasteful scent of the room, my eyelids began to flutter open again. I slowly sat up as my stiff body ached from the movement, even though I moved pretty carefully. My eyesight regulated after having them closed for hours and I whipped my head around to gaze at the room. Although my head was still in sleep mode, my heart suddenly stopped for a moment as my eyesight then became more wide and clear.

I mumbled her name, noticing her presence not next to mine. I couldn't even get her scent into my nostril at that point. Most nights with her were a blur, but this seemed like a realistic night terror. My small room seemed so empty when I glanced around, with nothing but cardboard boxes filled with my belongings and souvenirs from my adventures. My room had already been small, since the room after all did belong to Tails since it was in his workshop, and I really never needed much decor to it to feel roomy. What my sights were examining was what was throwing me off majorly.

Not a sight of her belongings. All I could find were my red sneakers at the foot of the bed, but nothing that gave a clue that she was ever here. It all just seemed unreal to me. My head throbbed like a cold hangover, making my first move to instantly groan in agony and lay my hand against my right temple. I felt as though that I was just going delusional, like I was living a nightmare, but God, little did I know. I forced myself up off the bed, feeling the coolness of the wooden floor make its way through my thin socks, which sent goosebumps up my back and tingles up my spine. The room felt so cold and dark, along with very lonesome. My whole body ached in pain and my head just spun like a carousel. What the hell happened? I felt like I've slept forever, like time moved eight years when I slept for eight hours.