Screaming Out

Why Her?

The next few days were awful. I couldn't go ten minutes without crying. I tried but still couldn't understand why someone would do that to Andrea. Why Her? Why not me?

 My mother wasn't much better at handeling her greif,  but she hid it well for my sake. She acted as posotive as she could around me, but nothing helped. I hated life now. I wanted to take my sister's place. After I saw her that night everything went downhill. Not only did I isolate myself from everyone, but I quit eating and taking care of myself. I knew it was horrible for me, but everything was still difficult to comprehend. My mother urged me to hang out with some of my friends, or join a new after school club, but I didn't want to. I knew that all they would talk about was her. Andrea was now the most popular conversation topic in town. I couldn't even go to my locker without hearing something along the lines of 'yep that's her sister, the one who got killed'or 'I bet she did it, she has always seemed creepy' . Some people even took it so far that they wrote notes and put them in my books and backpack saying that she deserved it, or that it was probably my fault. 

Tomorrow is her funeral, but I don't want to go. I want to lay in bed all day, not worrying about anything. My mother says I have to make a speech about her and how important she was to me. Everything seemed to fast, first her autopsy, now this. Not even a full week has passed, it has only been five days, could they not hold it off to a later date? 

I don't know if anyone knows this, but I want to kill myself. My sister was everything, my go to for help on homework, my own personal counsler, and my best friend. I know I may seem like any other angsty teen who says they want to kill themself for attention, but I'm not going to tell anybody. I might kill myself, but I also might not. I'm not sure yet, but for now, I'm going to greive... and cry.