Playing Dumb For Him

Crushed heart from my stupid Crushes! (Chapter 1)

I was still a Kindergartner back then, Where I still remember the day I had my First crush.

He was cheerful, intellegent, and the center of attraction. He was so Perfect in my vision. He was my First love! But as the years flew by, so as my Feelings for him got bigger. Until I heard one day that he had his first girlfriend! She was Beautiful and Famously rich. And who said First love never dies? I killed that damn feelings for him and tried to move-on. It was bizzare and funny though. Crying like a mad kid and making scenes at my own room. Such a young age for me to be that broke.

Years of trying to put myself on track, I finally stepped on Junior High. Where your life will start and experience those shitty moments in life. I unexpectedly found a new crush who is thinner than me. Yes, I admit that I'm a little bit Fat back on my Freshman Days... Food is life!
He was tall and has a very unique face, not that he had some bad feature about his face, but either way he is still handsome. He teases me a lot but I still like him because I was still young and naive. We sometimes eat together and laugh some of his jokes.
But sadly, he died because of cancer. My heart broke when I got to see his face one last time on the day of his funeral. That was my biggest downfall. But I didn't lose hope and still continue my journey.

Sophomore days was the Greatest Impact of my life! Because I still remember my first confession and it was the most complex yet complicated days of my life. I confessed to my crush personaly but he rejected me because he only see me as a friend! Got Friendzone but I'm okay. Why? A month after my confession, I found out that he was a Gay afterall! No wonder he hangs out with girls most of the time. His handsome but he also likes handsome people. And Im not sad! Just got hurt though.

Third Year is coming up so fast in my days. I've got the chance to know more about the people around me and join some club activities.
Sports Club is my favorite. Coz there's this guy, in Sipak Takraw, who I found interesting. Despite of being chubby, he is also sweet, tall, and has  a childish personality. I fell inlove and confessed. But what I didn't know is that he had a Girlfriend for two years! WTF! Wala Talagang Forever! Lol. Yeah... The GF got angry at me coz she thought that I stole his BF. Like what now?! So I just Laughed and Laughed and Cried. I thought he was so in to me but he played my heart just like playing some damn Sports! No wonder he likes sports a lot!
No choice but to move-on!

Fourth year, the last year of being a junior high! Things are different now. I got bolder, Wiser, and Bitter. Lol.
Yeah... I feel sorry to myself though... Coz Even those grade 7 has there own Bf/Gf and what about me? I got foods of course. Hahaha.

I joined a school band and luckily I manage to be a band master! Who said I don't have a talent? So anyways, we joined a street dance competition.

While the band is in the process of making street dance music, there's This guy that captured my heart because of his kindness. He was not that handsome though. But his kindness was enough to capture my attention. He plays the Triples very good. He had that natural talent in him. He played basketball and all girls like basketball players including me. Hehehe...
Then one day, I confessed coz I thought that he will accept me because despite of his ugly looks he could accept someone who is a chubby alien like me!
This time I confessed on a chat.
Here's how it goes:

Me: I had feelings for you a long time ago. So what can you say?
Him: Thank you. But I can't accept your feelings. You know, study first before relationships and Im not ready.
Me: Oh... Ok. At least we could be friends?
Him: Ofcourse! Why not?

After that awkward conversation, one week after that, I heard a rumor that he had Girlfriend from a different school!!! Ha! "Study first" my ass!
He should be more frank or honest with me! I can live with a very painful truth rather than a comforting lie!
It was painful... And that time I realized I should stop this stupidity of me. I could die early because of my freaking suicidal thoughts and this shameful thing called "confessions of love"!

Should I stop? Or continue until I feel numb and realize I'm so immature and regret later? Dang it!