Two weeks seems like a long time. I felt like I had all the time in the world to prepare for this trip home, but really it only felt like one long day. I'm in the car now with Gertrude, and boy does she love to talk. I learned that as a child, Gertrude was forced to stay home from school. She one day got so tired of it and ran away. She got a job at age 15 and saved up for school. Now she is a nurse. Gertrude is a very inspiring lady, but it's very hard to focus on her stories because she stutters so much.
"Are you re-ready to be home?" she asks me.
"Sort of," I tell her, "I'm nervous for this baby." By now I am seven and half weeks, but it's not noticable.
"You're g-g-gorgeous babydoll. It'll b-be okay." I smile at this compliment, because I haven't been called gorgeous since Sam was around. I miss him everyday, and I believe I'll be with him again once he has the chance to come to me. His mom is being selfish with him, I just know it.
I must have been thinking to myself for quite awhile, because when I looked up, Gertrude was pulling her big blue van into my driveway. I got butterflies in my stomach. This was so weird. I hadn't been home in what felt like years. Everything is going to be so different.
"This it?" Gertrude asked while smiling at me.
"Yes," I told her. I thought about telling her a different house, so I could jump out and run away like I had done when Brogan dropped me off at "my aunts". I decided against it though, because now I have to do what's best for my baby.
I got out of the car, reaching into the back to get my belongings. The house looked empty, and I hoped Gertrude wouldn't wait on my mother to get home. I started to walk up to the door.
"Bye J-Jaycee!" I turn around and wave to Gertrude. She's sitting there smiling at me as she starts the ignition. I turn back to my house and turn the knob. Locked. I'm starting to fear that Gertrude will stay here and meet my mother. I don't want this to happen. I turn around and Gertrude is still in the driveway. She rolls down the window.
"I'm just going to go in the back door," I tell her.
"Okay. J-just flicker the l-l-lights when you g-get inside."
I nod and walk around to the back. Turning the knob, I realize this door is also locked. I try over and over to open it, but it didn't change the fact that it was locked. I start to accept the fact that Gertrude will meet my mother and tell her where I've been and why. The idea doesn't seem so bad since half of what Gertrude and the women at the shelter know are lies. I slowly started walking for the side of the house, back to the driveway. Just then, I notice the window.
"How could I forget!" I was so surprised at my stupidity. I had used this window so many times in the past when my mother would be drunk and passed out on the couch. She often locked the doors on me, and this window was my only way inside. Letting out a sigh of relief, I began to push up on the glass. The window finally gave way and slid up. I wrinkled my nose at the smell. The window hadn't been used in quite awhile, especially since I ran away from this hell hole.
"Must just be dirty," I told myself.
-more later!-
