Why I Am Obese And My Battle With it

What it's like to be obese as a child/preteen/teenager

As a kid I never really noticed weight because it just wasn't a thing. I would hangout with everyone and pretty much anyone. But towards 3-5 grade I started realizing hey I'm bigger and the guys only liked the small, skinney, popular girls. As I got older I got fatter as anyone would the way I was raised, my mom used to wake up randomly in the night and make a big breakfast then wake me up and we would eat it. Then a few hours later we'd wake up and eat actual breakfast. We ate large portions of everything and worst but not least I was taught to eat when bored, tired, hungry, mad, stressed or just cause. I didn't realize at the time how much my family weighed and how much they ate. I never realized what the problem was till about 6-7 grades. In the beginning of 7th grade I realized how fat u was, at the time I was probably 170lbs 5'1 and 12. After a while I tried to lose weight and when I turned 13 I was able to go to the gym with my nom. But before that even happened I reached my highest weight at the time 206lbs in 8th grade.  I started working out and eating healthier and eventually list almost 20 pounds but I could only last for so long I have been trained that eating was an all day high doeage activity not a survival skill. It sucks being fat expesially during school, just for the simple fact that I'm now being exposed to fashion and I can't/won't wear what I would like to because it doesn't look ok on my fat out of shape body. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm out of shape I did dance for a few years and gymnastics for a year or two. With all of this background I was still really flexible when I was fat.  One time my friend was staying the night at my house and I was stretching and she was saying "your really flexible" and I was confused for the simple fact that I was doing a butterfly stretch. Either way for years while I was fat I was recommended to do cheerleading for the simple fact that I'm loud, flexible, have a good muscle memory, and strong. But the thing holding me back was my weight and insecurities about my body, how would I look in a uniform, would people be able to see my stretch marks, how much skin would really show. All of this was really stressful so I ate. I got really fat and wanted to do something about it but didn't know what or how I was stuck and am shy didn't want to talk to anyone about it, I relied on Google and yelling at myself about how I need to change, hating myself and getting nowhere because I would eat my stress away. This pattern went on for a while until I started cutting.