Shrek Me Daddy {Shrek x Reader Oneshots} [L E M O N S]

A Roar from the Future - Part 1

     It was a cold winter night. Shrek sat in his chair next to the fireplace, he slowly took a bite from an onion. He found much pleasure from the heat of the fire and the juices oozing out the onion after each bite, it gave him tingles. It was peaceful, the swamp was a quiet and serene. But alas, nothing can last forever, Donkey came screaming at the top of his lungs (the last 9 words gave a flash back the few chapter ;) he he) "SHREK FUCK MEEEE!" Shrek roles his beautiful chocolate brown eyes and simply said, "no." Donkey eyes saddened, but then grew to be full of hatred. "WHY WON'T YOU FUCK ME SHREK, JUST FUCK MEEE!," he exclaimed, "YOU KNOW WHAT WHY DONT YOU JUST GO FUCK YOUR SELF!" Shrek saw the hatred in Donkey's eyes, he felt sad, he didn't want this. Shrek got up, dropping his onion. He averted his eyes, Donkey backed up in fear, his heart beating after his sudden outburst. Shrek's eyes pierced into Donkey's soul as he said, "yEe nO wAT, i wIl go PhUCk mySeLF!" Donkey stood frozen in fear. A few seconds past. Donkey got a hold of him self and ran. Shrek watched him run away, he grabbed the onion from the floor and crushed it, he slammed his sexy ogre fists on a table and fell to the floor. Tears fell slowly down his face as cried there. He fell a sleep.

   That morning Shrek woke up determined, determined to go fuck him self. He was going to do exactly what Donkey had told him. He got up and did his usual morning routine and ate breakfast. After he ate breakfast and grabbed 5 unions for his journey. Journey? Journey to where you ask? Well, to Dora the Explorer of course! That crazy bitch can find anything (find my dick plz, it fell off). Shrek locked his door and made sure no intruders could enter his swamp. He embarked on his adventure to find Dora's time traveling machine.

     It was a long and hard journey (likes Shrek's di-). Shrek grew tired, he decided to rest in a quiet forest. He took off his shirt to reveal his sexy, buff ogre body. Shrek seemed to have a 20 pack, much better than a boring average six pack. He sat down by a creek and layed against a near by boulder. He sighed. Shrek heard shaking in the bushes, he paid no mind to it thinking it was a small forest animal of some sorts. He then saw a colorful fox wearing a bandana peering out of the bushes. Oh no, it Swiper! "SwIPeR nO SwIpINg, SWiPer NO sWipINg!" Shrek's eyes were determined. Swiper only looked lustfully at Shrek's body, he wanted Shrek in him. Swiper slowly came out of bushes, really fucking horny (lol ya you already wtf is going to happen). "Ahh, Shrek *annoying moaning noise* I'm not going to swipe anything from you, in fact I want you to swipe something from me..." Swiper words came out slow and husky. "Take my vIRginIty~". Shrek loosened his stance and thought for a second, 'it would be nice refreshing to have something other than Donkey's (now) loose butt hole'. "oK sUrE" Shrek spoke whilst smirking. Swiper squeaked in delight, he was already turned around and bent over. Shrek walk over and vigorously fucked him dispite it being his first time. They both cummed and Shrek left. He put his clothes back on and grabbed his onions. He continued his journey. Because of this experience Swiper decided to stop swiping things and started to donate to adoption centers after Shrek pounded his ass hole.

   Shrek smiled to himself, he was almost there and it was barley the afternoon! He broke into Dora's home and went into her basement. He broke in mostly because Dora was a thot and would mess around with Barney instead of being loyal to Boots. Boots was a good guy, he didn't deserve it. Dora reminded Shrek of Fionna, ah Fionna. Shrek had to admit he still had feelings left for Fionna, but she become a thot. Shrek sighed, he began searching the basement for the stupid time machine. He found a shit load of bondage stuff. Shrek bit his lip, he had always had a slight kink for bondage;). But, he knew now was not the time, he grabbed a few bondage toys and continues to look for a time machine. He found a camera and decided to use it as evidence so Donkey would believe him after he fucks himself. Shrek continued his search for the time machine in the quit basement. He heared the doorknob of the basement door move just as he found and snatched the small time machine. Shrek jumped up and ran out the basement, right past Boots who had opened the basement door.

     Shrek ran as fast as his long, green, muscular ogre legs could take him. He made his way back to the forest and took another break. By now it was night, and the full moon was out. Shrek felt something warm on his cheeks. Rain? No, it was a tear. Shrek had starter crying, while unconsciously thinking of his past lovers, Fionna, Donkey, and Ronald McDonald-kun (lmao wat). 'SeRouISlY,' Shrek thought. He grew mad at himself for thinking of the people who had only brought him down, he was tired of it. Shrek sighed, and grabbed an onion to eat. He munched on the onion, while laying there and staring at the night sky. Quiet and serene... again. It reminded him of  before Donkey had barged in and and begged for sex. Shrek felt his eyes grow wet, he blinked before the tears could fall. He turned away from the sky and tried to fall a sleep, he was sick of his emotions...

To be continued...

[A/N: what's up gutter sluts, your least favorite bitch (still one of your favs😉) is back. Over 1000 words!!??! I finally fucking publish a fucking chapter. Any way hope you like it, p2 is coming sooooon 😉. I apologize for the shity grammar, hope y'all get some dick, mwah! 😘💋

     -xoxo gossip girl