Quote of chapter 11:
Zayn's P.O.V:
This was the third time this week that Harry has left Mary. It really annoys me, he just shows up, loves someone for a year then disappears while still 'loving' them. You see to people like Harry, loving is just a concept, you just do it and it's all that you do, then after you've felt it and still feel it, you leave. But then there is people like Mary. She believes that "if you love someone, stay with them until the love dies, hopefully they stay for a while, hopefully infinite." I think they love each other a lot, just they believe different things. That's really hard in a relationship. I know it is hard for Mary. She has it tough. Her boyfriend leaves her every night to do something 'important'- which usually ends up being: going to a club and getting drunk.- and her brother died recently. She used to tell me about her brother all the time. How I reminded her of him.
Mary and I are like siblings. We fight over silly things, and help each other at times where no one else can help. I don't have a crush on her and she didn't have one on me. That made it easy. Harry made it harder though. He would yell at us for no reason, although he would always come home intoxicated. She would panic constantly. When he came to dorms he would yell at her. Why? I don't know why. One time we were in the living area watching a film and he came in. He had obviously been drinking.
"What the hell, M-m-mary." He slurred the words.
"WHAT NOW?" She always resorted to yelling, it calmed her.
"Were you doing something behind my back with him?" He pointed to me.
"Yes..." She said, "w-w-we ate nachos together."
"Whatever, you are a slut. Goodbye." He waved off and left, for the second time that evening.
"Okay then." I said. She closed her eyes and sighed. She put her head in her hands.
"Why?" She said.
"I don't know."
"Help me! What do I do?"
"Breakup."
"Why?"
"Why? You fucking panic about him every day. I'm trying to help you! Can't you see? He is not helping you in any way. I'm not saying you have to separate forever. I'm saying to cut it off until he learns respect."
"Fine, will I regret this though?"
"No." I said.
I said goodbye, since it was getting pretty late. I went back to the hotel. Niall and Louis were in Tampa with Jennah, for the 2 weeks we had off and Liam, Harry and I were here. As I drove back, I noticed, Mary wasn't okay. She was stuck. Either way she could end up depressed and well, not good. She had been acting weird lately. Quieter than her old, lively self. Now, I didn't know what was up. And I never will. But maybe, if I listen close, I could figure it out. I hope, just maybe, she is okay, because if she is not. I never will be.
Mary's P.O.V:
I looked into the mirror, should I? No. Yes... I wasn't talking about the breakup, I already knew I was done. But this topic. I go through it too much. Depression: the state where you feel useless and unwanted. You feel sadness seeping through you cut up skin. I doing know why I do this to myself. I'm just not okay. I probably won't be, ever. My eyes were blood shot red.
'You are a screw up. You're whole life is fucked up!'
'Just do it.'
'Kill yourself.'
'Cut yourself.'
'Go throw up, you are too fat.'
'Just die.'
I looked under my bed. I pulled out the box, blades. Was this the answer?
For now, yes.
I slid it across my wrist.
Fresh blood came through the soon to be scar.
I cleaned it up.
The pain drowned out all of the other terrible things.
Terrible things like myself.
I'm terrible.
I decided for another day of the break up.
I couldn't take it anymore.
Why can't it all just end?
________________
I pulled out my phone and went on Instagram. I looked on the popular page. There was a picture of me. And another, and another. I looked at them all. I liked them all. There was another one though, I clicked on it. My smile faded, my happy mood slowly changing back to the dark one. It was captioned.
'She is so beautiful and now she is famous and big. She will never notice me. I should just kill myself. Goodbye?'
I replied fast, 'NO!'
I sat down. I got up again and played some music, I soon fell asleep to the soft sound of the quiet Ed Sheeran.
