The Bad Redhead (Zayn Malik)

chapter 20: Forgive?

~Zayn's POV~

Well, Ella wont be coming back to school...but anyway me and Lillian were heading to my parents house. We were bringing, Zj. Lillian was carrying him in his chair.

"Did your mom, see him yet?" Lillian asked.

"Yes, she fell in love with him, the minute she saw him." I smiled. "She held him close and rocked him to sleep and sang him a song that she used to sing me when I was a baby."

"That's great, babe." Lillian said.

I was worried about my...father. We arrived at my parents house. My mother and father were home. I knocked on the door and my mother answered it.

"Hi, love." She said, hugging me. "Come in."

After she let me and Lillian in she wanted to see her grandson. Lillian was sitting next to my mother. They were talking and smiling. I'm happy that they are actually getting along. As I was about to sit down, my father came in the room. He stared at my mother and Lillian, then Zj. He went very closey to, Zj.

"Who's child?" He asked.

"Zayn's and Lillian's." My mother said.

Lillian gave my father a death, glare. Then he looked at me.

"Hello, Zayn." He said.

"Hi, dad." I said, looking down at the floor.

"Oop, I think, Zj, is hungry." My mother said. She handed, Zj to Lillian. Lillian walked up stairs and into my old room.

"So, Zayn how's school?" My mother asked.

"Um..it's ok.." I said. "Me and Lillian will be going to collage."

"That's great." She said.

My father was just standing there, looking at me. I didnt say anything because I wasnt in the mood to start shit.

"Where are my, brothers." I asked.

"They went somewhere with there girlsfriends." My mother said. "They will be out for a while."

I nodded. Lillian walked down stairs with, Zj in her arms, asleep. He had his blue blacket, his little head was resting on Lillian's arm, and he had his blue ones' on and his blue socks on. Lillian walked over to me and smiled.

"You look, like your going to kill someone." She said.

"I might have to." I said.

"Hush, hold your son." Lillian said, handing me, Zj. I looked in his eyes. He had hazel eyes like me but more brownish-greenish. "Hey, little buddy."

Zj, looked at me. He touched his little cute nose and sneezed. "Bless you." Lillian said, stroking his cheek.

My mother got up. "Zayn, may I talk to you?"

"Yes, mom." I said, handing, Zj to Lillian.

My mother took me in the kicthen.

"Zayn, you know your father loves you." She said, sitting at the table. "He wants your forgiveness."

I laughed. "Oh now he wants it? All these years, as I was growing up. Beating me, yelling at me, treating me so different than my, brothers. That is why I ran away, that's why I do stuff that I do now, this is why I'm with Lillian. I'm tired of his shit. He treated me so different. Dont say you havent seen it because you have. I heard you one night with dad. I was 7 years old, talking about why dad treats me so different and why he beats me. Talking about sending me to a different school and sending me back to, England to stay with, Gemma. I'm fucking 19 now, and he wants my damn forgiveness now? No, he could of asked for it a long time ago. He's the reason why, I'm so fucking messed up and that I get in so much trouble in school. All the pain had gotten into my head and into my heart. Do you know how that feels? To be treated different from your own father? No, I dont think so. I love you but he will never as long as I live will ever get my damn forgiveness. No, not today, not tomorrow, not anyother day. Hell, no. Mother, I'm sorry but I stopped caring the day when me and him got into that fight. I dont know what I've done to him in life while I was here but I'm pretty sure that I've done nothing to him. I'm tired of it and I'm done."

By now, I was crying. My father, ever since I was born I was treated so differently. I felt like I was left out on everything on family night or on the hoildays. I felt like I didnt belong to this family. The only best friends I had was, my brothers. That treated me like I was there, brothers until the end. They were the only people that I loved the most. Other than my mother but she got under my skin here and there but I love her. My sister, Gemma, she lives in, England where me and the boys were born in. Just for some reason, my father never looked at me same as he looked at the others. When I was 8 years old, I gave him something for father's day, he threw it away, and "It wasnt good enough. This doesnt look like a gift, it looks like a piece of shit." I will never forget it. I was heart broken. That's when everything fell a part. That's when I started to act up.

"Zayn, you cant hold this forever." She said.

I know I cant but it cant leave me. This will never leave me. "No, I cant hold it but I'm not forgiving him."

My mother looked down at floor. "Zayn, my..um my mother treated me the same way. It never seem like she loved me at all. I was her only daugther. The rest were boys, well as you know, your 5 uncles. But over the years, it never seem like it but sooner or later I forgave her. The last I saw my mother is when I was pregnant, with Harry. Me and her are now good."

"Mom, that was you but this is me. I'm not, I'm done and that's the last time I'm saying it." I said, walking out the kicthen. Lillian was sitting on the couch with, Zj in her arms still and my father looking at the ground. Lillian knew the minute she saw my face. She packed up and took us home.

Home

Lillian let her mom have, Zj as she took me in our room.

"What's wrong? It looks like your going to cry." Lillian said, sitting me on the bed with her.

"No, I'm not." I said, looking down.

"Zayn Malik, dont lie to me." Lillian said, lifting up my face to hers. That's when the tears came in. I burried my face in her lap and cried.

"Why me?" I cried. "Why do I have to be treated so different?"

"Zayn." Lillian said.

"I-I cant take it anymore. He wants me to forgive him. All these years, he could of just opened up to me, anytime in my life. He treated me so different. I felt like I didnt belong to the family because of how different he would treat me. I'm tired, I'm done, and I dont to. I felt like he didnt love me and then my own mother is going to tell me that he loves me." I cried.

"Zayn, look at me. Now and here, you are treated the same as everyone else is. Your mother, your brothers, and me treat you the same." Lillian said, as I laid on her chest. "We all love you."

Lillian is the only person I can look up to right now. She calms me down most of the time. Lillian is my life and everything. I love her. "Lillian, I love you."

"I love you, too, baby." She said, hugging me. "Hold up."

Lillian got up and went downs stairs. Then she came back up stairs with, Zj in her arms. Lillian sat next to me.

"Hey, budd." I smiled. "Daddy, loves you."

Lillian smiled and gave me kiss on the cheek. "That's real, father."

I smiled and kissed her on the cheek. Just hearing those words, made me happy. I'm happy that I have created, a awesome son.