Blake Richardson || Away

Something's wrong

It's been a year since our wedding. One whole year. Everything had been nearly the same as before, there was no room for change, still on tour 24/7 but recently the boys had slowed down on touring. They were started settling down, moving in with girlfriends and that stuff. Well apart from me and Blake, we'd done that stuff. It was the last few shows before a break from touring for a bit. Blake had taken me out to this beautiful dinner for our anniversary. I was sat backstage at on the sofa, Blake came and sat next to me.
"Hey gorgeous, what ya looking at?"
"Nothing just watching some old videos"
"What's the video?"
"It's you playing with your baby cousin a few years ago, you two are so cute it makes my ovaries hurt" I smiled.
"Awh" there was a silence, I'd got my head on Blake's lap he was running his hands through my hair, I was smiling at him, he know how much I love it when his does that.
"Hey gorgeous?"
"Yeah"
"I was just thinking, I know we've only been married a year but you saying about my cousin and how cute we are. I don't know. I just"
"What is it Blake?"
"I really want to be dad. I guess I'm asking if we could start trying, not intently just... I don't know. Forget it. Doesn't matter"
"No, it does matter. Blake, I love you with all my heart and to have a family with you is my dream. So yes, we can start trying" He lent down and kissed me.
"Really?!"
"Yes! Of course! I know I've. We've been through a lot when it comes to babies but I know I really want a family with you" I lent in and kissed him, I was straddling over him.
"Blake, stage. Oh sorry. But you're need" Reece said popping his head round the door. We pulled away and looked eachother in the eye. "I love you Mr Richardson"
"I love you too Mrs Richardson"

We'd only been trying a few months. I'd been constantly checking when my period was due seeing if I was late. I was.
"Blake?"
"Yes gorgeous"
"I think I'm-" I didn't need to finish the sentence before Blake said.
"Let's get you tested and find out"

"How long do we have to wait?"
"Only 2 minutes"
"Right, I'm so nervous"
"So am I. I'm shaking. What if I am?"
"It's going to be okay, I'll be there for you every step"
"Oh my god. I don't think I can do this. I know I said I wanted this and it's my dream, which it is, but I can't give birth it kills, change nappies, what if I do something wrong, what if I drop it?" I was full on panicking, I couldn't breathe.
"Calm down, breathe it's fine, it'll be okay. Breathe. I love you so much" he hugged me so tight.
"I think it's been 2 minutes, let's check"
I turned it over, we both looked. Negative. I broke down crying and slumped down against the wall.
"Hey Ann it's okay. It's only our first try" he was crouched down in front of me he took my hands and wiped tears from under my eyes.
"No it's not" I said through my tears.
"What? What are you on about Anna?"
"I haven't been on the pill for over a year well since the wedding"
"What! Anna why not?" He wasn't yelling but I could hear the anger in his voice.
"I stopped taking it just after the wedding"
"Why would you do that?! You can't make that type of decision with talking to me! What's wrong with you?!" He was trying to stay calm, clearly failing.
"I don't know Blake what is wrong with me"
"Ann" he said sympatheticly.
"No. Don't. It's been over a year with no protection and I'm not pregnant. Something is clearly wrong with me"
"No, you're perfect. I know you don't like talking about it but you've been pregnant before, if anyone's got something wrong with them it's going to be me"
"What if Luna was my only shot at parenthood? What if I've damaged myself when I had her? I can't give you want you need" Tears fell from my eyes.
"No Ann don't cry" he wiped my tears away with his thumb. "If you're really worried we could go to the doctor's, or try more"
"I don't know, Blake. What if there is something wrong with me?"
"We'll work through it, we'll get a suricate, adopte or something. But we'll never give up on having a family. We'll keep trying, maybe more intensely if in a few months nothing has happens we'll go to the doctor's and find out if anything is wrong. How does that sound?"
"That sounds great"
***
"Mrs Richardson?" So here I am a few negative tests later, the doctor's. We'd come a week or so ago and they'd done some tests. Me and Blake followed her.
"As you know we ran some test and they've all come back fine"
"So why can't I get pregnant?"
"We're not sure at the moment. If you'd like to get on the bed we can ultrasound you and see if there is anything wrong with the shape of the uterus or anything think that"
I lay on the bed Blake was holding my hand, I'm so nervous. What if something is wrong?
"Ah right, let's get you cleaned up and we can discuss everything"
We were sat back in the chairs she had two photos on the screen, ultrasound. "Here is a 'normal' so to speak shape, and here is yours. As you can see they're very similar, it's just up here the wall has fallen in slightly"
"So I can never be pregnant?"
"It's not impossible, it's just harder. A lot of women see this after their first baby and some are just like that. It's just a case of having to try harder, by that I mean having sex more often and never giving up"

**
In the car on the way home, I didn't say anything, I sat looking out the window. As Blake was driving he put his hand on my thigh. "It'll be okay baby"
"No it won't"
"Yes it will we'll do everything we can because we want this"
"As if that evil man didn't take enough from me. Now he's still ruining my life."
"Ann" He said sympatheticly
"No. He got me pregnant at 14. Took my virginity. Gave me trust issues. Turned up at our wedding. and now I can't have children with the man I love because with I gave birth to his baby causing to damage myself"
"Wait what? He was at our wedding?! Why?!"
"As I was coming into the venue he grabbed me and told me I should have been marrying him. My dad told him to go, and so far he has stayed way but he's still ruining my life"
"Baby why didn't you tell me?" He still had his hand on my thigh rubbing his thumb up an down, it was kinda comforting.
"It was the happiest day of our lives, I didn't want you to get stressed up and worry. Now let's stop talking about him." I put my hand on top of his.
"I love you Anna and I'll do everything I physically can for us to have our own family"
"I love you too"