Diana

Chapter 3 - If You Don't Know

Over the next few days Ben permitted me to sleep at his house, I’d leave early in the morning and come back late at night. It was difficult to find a job, seeing as I couldn’t exactly tell anyone who I was if I wanted to stay hidden from my parents. Already I’d seen my face on the TV several times, each time in a fancy floor length gown which I’d worn to a wedding the year beforehand, my face layered with mountains of make-up. My parent’s both appeared alongside the image, my mother begging for my return with a worried expression I knew was fake as my father simply stood beside her, his eyes occasionally flashing with annoyance, flashing with annoyance at me for inconveniencing him and possibly disrupting his work. Whilst Ben attempted to convince me to return home, as he pointed out the signs of distress upon the faces of my parents, it was clear for me to see that neither of them were particularly worried, maybe worried about their reputation but never about me. After all the cover up had been difficult when my sister abandoned ship and now that their second daughter had gone missing the squeaky clean image they’d maintained over the years was slowly slipping through their fingers. My sister, Mackenzie had run away at the age of fifteen and I hadn’t heard from her in over three years. She’d written me a letter after she’d left but I’d never had the courage to open it. I wasn’t ready to see her swirling handwriting explaining her reasons for leaving her eight year old sister behind. It wasn’t difficult to guess I suppose, guilt was the reason I guessed to be most likely, guilt at what she thought she’d done. Perception and reality of situations are very different and somehow the same, after all our perception of reality is different for each person, however we percept reality becomes reality. Mackenzie’s reality was a bleak world of guilt and sadness, even as an eight year old this was simple for me to see.

As I continued my job hunt I noticed Ben growing more and more irritable, it was due to this that I decided to pack my bags, it seemed I’d overstayed my welcome. And I’d assumed that Ben was simply too polite to say it. Overall Ben was not a particularly polite person, which perhaps should’ve alerted me to the fact that I was not the reason for his irritation. As the days passed Ben seemed to become more sullen and a scowl was permanently etched across his face. One night my insomnia kicked in once again and I again ventured to the rooftop and again settled myself down beside Ben. A slight shuddering in his shoulders alerted me to the fact that he was crying, silent tears streamed down his face as he struggled to control his emotions, I could tell that he felt uncomfortable displaying such intense emotion to me. Realising this I moved to leave but his raspy voice made me stop in my tracks, “Tell me a story?” Confused I turned around to face Ben, his tear stained face illuminated only by the flickering of another candle. “Sorry?” I questioned, story-telling was something which had died out early in my family, so this was a question I wasn’t prepared for. “If you want to help then leaving me alone isn’t going to do that, now tell me a story.” I was still extremely confused, my imagination was rather limited which though unfortunate did eliminate the doll phase in my youth. As a child I’d found it creepy to mother a plastic person. “What kind of story, I don’t know any stories.” Ben sighed growing frustrated in my lack of story-telling abilities. “Ugh tell me a true story, tell me about you.” Oh, that was a tall order and something which again I didn’t have much experience with. But despite this I felt that as a form of repayment to Ben he at least deserved some of my trust.

“Once upon a time, there lived a King and a Queen with their three children. Their son was known as Prince Jack and their daughters names were Princess Diana and Princess Mackenzie. They were a very happy family and the King and Queen ruled their country with pride and grace. However Princess Mackenzie was very sad because the other children in her kingdom were calling her names and being mean to her, eventually Princess Mackenzie became friends with a Knight named Sir Justin who swore to defend Princess Mackenzie from harm. Princess Mackenzie was delighted and believed she’d finally found her knight in shining armour. Sir Justin invited Princess Mackenzie to a big ball and she was very excited to go, however on the night of the ball the King and Queen trusted Princess Mackenzie to babysit Princess Diana and Prince Jack whilst they talked to the Kings and Queens from neighbouring kingdoms. Princess Mackenzie decided to sneak out to the party, taking Prince Jack with her whilst leaving Princess Diana at home in their castle. Princess Mackenzie arrived at the party wearing her most beautiful gown, Princess Mackenzie left the young Prince in the golden chariot whilst she went inside, advising him that she would be back within the hour and that he should get some sleep. Princess Mackenzie entered the ball and immediately all eyes were on her, Princess Mackenzie had never felt so special, it was then that she saw Sir Justin kissing another Princess. Princess Mackenzie discovered that it was a set-up, Sir Justin had never been her friend and had planned to humiliate her all along. She ran outside tripping over her dress and crying. She arrived outside just in time to see another chariot crash into her own, killing Prince Jack in the process. Princess Mackenzie ran away in disgrace whilst her brother was buried, neither the Prince nor the Princess ever returned home and Princess Diana was alone, forever.”

I completed the story with a shaky breath and opened my eyes, not having realised I’d ever closed them. Only to find Ben staring at me with emotion swirling in his eyes. “Princess Mackenzie was your sister.” He stated, and I replied with a simple nod, “So Prince Jack was your brother.” Again I nodded and opened my mouth to speak, my voice came out sounding croaky. “It was a head on collision, the car that swerved into him was a drunk driver. He was 6 years old.” I closed my eyes again trying to erase his smiling dimpled face from my mind. Remembering only made things more painful but despite that I continued on; “After Mackenzie left and Jack, well, died, my parents both became so wrapped up in their jobs. My mum especially became an emotionless zombie and my dad would leave for months at a time. Bet you never read that in any of the gossip magazines.” I smirked bitterly at the last sentence, great effort had been made to cover up that there had ever been two other Blake children and those who did remember their existence were payed off to remain silent. Money certainly was power where I came from. 

He found me in the kitchen the next morning, making pancakes. Maybe it was rude of me to just go ahead and help myself to his kitchen but I was hungry, and anyway it’s not like I wasn’t planning on sharing. “What are you doing?” was obviously his first question. “Making pancakes, what does it look like?” He shrugged. Just as I was about to turn away again to keep mixing the batter I saw an emotion flash through his eyes. “Oh no. Don’t look at me like that.” I said raising my hands up in a defensive motion, attempting to shield myself from his pitying gaze. “Like what?” He said looking adorably confused, I almost forgave him for pitying me. Being pitied, to me, was the absolute worst thing, I hated it. The looks that people gave you as though they understood what was happening, when in reality no one did. As though I needed help, “Like I’m vulnerable. And anyway you promised yesterday on the roof that you wouldn’t feel sorry for me after what I told you.” Ben looked away, he sighed and then mumbled, “Well that was before I knew what you were going to tell me.” I rolled my eyes at this, he looked exactly how I’d felt my entire life, helpless. “I just wish I could help you.” I dropped the spatula with a sigh and walked over to him, watching as his piercing blue eyes swam with guilt and another emotion I couldn’t determine. “You don’t need to help me.” I grinned at him, “I’m free remember?” Ben didn’t smile back, instead he looked even more heartbroken, so sighing again I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. After a few seconds I began to feel awkward as he wasn’t returning the hug, instead he was just standing there arms hanging limply at his sides. “Well then” I said releasing him and stepping back, looking down at the ground not wanting to look into his eyes. I went to turn around and go back to my pancakes but before I could move any further I felt a warm hand wrap around my upper arm and then with a small tug Ben spun me around again causing me to bump face first into his broad chest before encasing me in a bone crushing hug. “Ouch” I muttered, referring to my nose which was tingling due to its’ collision with Ben’s wall-like chest. I could feel his chuckle reverberate through me and after a moment I lifted my arms, returning the hug.