Growing Up

1. October

In my ripe seventeen years of life, I had experienced a lot of pain. I'm not talking scraping my knee and getting my mother to put a band aid on it while she assured me it was going to be okay. 

My childhood had left me with poor decision making skills and what I thought was the most fatal flaw of all; I can't say no. I can't say no to anyone. In my earlier teen years, this left me heartbroken. Crushes, abuse...but none of this would prepare me for this moment. 

- July 2017 - 

"What? You're breaking up with me? I don't understand." My voice shaking, trying to soak up all that Alex was saying.

"Rosie, we have been dating for a year. We are still young. I just want to see what dating Jane is like." He was so calm and collected about all of this. Was there something he wasn't telling me?

"You said she was nothing! She is my best friend Alex, anyone but her." I pleaded, why would he do this to me?

Alex and I had been dating for almost a whole year. When we met, he was the quietest in the Year 9 class. So shy he spoke to literally nobody so I forced friendship upon him. We were fantastic friends and we were inseparable.  Unfortunately, we weren't the best in a relationship. We had more fights than I could count, and that was on a good day. But still, somewhere, deep inside, I hoped that the quiet little Alex I loved was still there.

"Jane and I, just have more," he paused. "More in common, Rosie. It makes sense for us to be together. You and I, we are just too different. I'm sorry but, it's over." The words bounced spaciously in my head as they rolled so easily off his tongue, like he had practised this speech over and over until he had it perfect. He knew exactly what to say to me; he knew me inside and out. So easy to read, so easy to manipulate with perfect steams of stabbing knives of poetic nature. "Rosie, have you spaced out on me again?" Indeed, I had. But this time, it would be the last time I ever let another boy get to me.

"Indeed, I had. But remember this, Alex Hawthorn, you'll never get the best of me again." I smirked at my best, even though my eyes stung from holding back what seemed to be pathetic tears.

"Rosie, I'm breaking up with you. Remember? I mean, I'm glad you're cool with it and all but try not to steal my dramatic thunder, will you?" Alex stepped towards me, until we were only inches apart. "And who knows? If it doesn't work out, you'll always be there."

A small laugh escaped my lips as I smirked. "Oh on the contrary, Alex. I'm breaking up with you. I do sincerely hope you and Jane are happy together." I go to turn my heel.

"You'll never get over me Rosie, not that easy."

I smiled over my shoulder. "Watch me."

- October 2017 - 

I stood in the same park, right under the tree where I left Alex Hawthorn 3 months ago. Well, 2 months, 19 days, 7 hours and 47 minutes to be exact. My own words echoed in my head, "Watch me." I even made myself laugh. What a load of wank Rosie. 

In those 2 months, 19 days, 7 hours and now 49 minutes, the idea of being without Alex still haunted me. I hated it. I hated being without him. I loved him.

But did I really? Did I really love him? 

I still yearned for Alex to touch me again, to love me again. But yet, Jane still had his heart. What a backstabbing, whore and slut of a pathetic excuse for a 'best friend'. Jane and I had been friends since I transferred to Blacktown College at the beginning of year 8. We just clicked instantly. She was the one that set me up to go out with Alex only for her to essentially steal him away. 

The spring air was pleasant against my skin; not too cool but warm and soothing. Just like Alex used to hug me. It made me remember burying my head into his neck allowing myself to smell his David Beckham cologne; it was like a drug to me. I closed my eyes and focused, I could still smell it. 

I felt a sickness swirling in my stomach. It was the same feeling I got whenever I stalked Janes Instagram only to see pictures of her and Alex. It made me want to vomit. 

It was the first day of October. I loved October, the middle of Spring. I longed to be overseas where it was fall and the many young children in suburbs would be dressing up for Halloween; what a simplistic but exciting life. The leaves on the trees were so different here; bright green, just screaming earth life. Not a single leaf differing from the uniform colour, almost egalitarian.

I suddenly hear my phone ringing in my pocket, I can hear Cameron's ringtone loud and clear. 

Cameron Murray had been my best friend since Kindergarten, it was very rare that we were apart. Our mothers were best friends, so it was set in stone that we would be friends forever. He was my best friend - my perfect other half. I couldn't imagine life without him.

"It took you 4 seconds to answer my call, what is wrong with you?" Cameron had a sense of sarcasm in his voice. I laughed slightly.
"Just reminiscing about old times..." I drifted off with a subtle smirk on my face.
"You know what happens when you think too hard Rose, you start getting these ideas that you can actually do something with your life." I could hear my best friend smirking through the phone.
"Ha ha, very funny Cam. Anyway, what's up?"
"Well, the Halloween disco is this month and we are still yet to plan the entertainment. It's kind of what we should do considering we are in charge of such things.."
"Yeah, I get it. Let's do coffee?" I asked.
"I can already see you from our seat. You've really got a thing for that tree." I laughed slightly as I turned to the window of the coffee shop across the road. There he was, waving from the same seat we always sat in.
"I see, I'll be right over."
"Take your time, you probably smell really bad." 

I hung up as I turned to the tree. That damn tree. How could I let a tree be that significant? It's a tree. All it did was remind me of Alex every time I looked at it. I knew had to leave my past with Alex behind. But how?

The walk across the road wasn't life threatening, although it never was. Traffic in this small town never really existed. We had traffic lights, but all they did was stay on the same flashing yellow light.

I came to the door of the coffee shop, Alex still occupying my thoughts. The sound of the bell was the only thing that could be heard as I entered the shop.

And then I saw him.