It's like a pain that hurts so deep down inside I can't find where it starts and where it ends. Sometimes I can't stop crying, and other times I can't find any tears, and I just shake with sorrow.
I just feel so alone. I wish I could tell someone, but I don't know who I could turn to with this. No one would understand how I feel.
At night I lay awake for hours, just watching the clock change, the numbers move. I listen to the sounds of the night - the cars, the dogs, and wonder why it feels as if I am the only one awake in the whole world. The headlights flash across my room, but this only makes me feel even lonelier.
My pain is real. It's not a physical hurt, but an ache so deep within me. I just wish it would go away. I cry and cry, until my pillow is soaked, until I can't think of anything except for the emptiness inside. I can barely eat, except when someone puts food in front of me. Nothing seems to interest me anymore- not my friends, not my books, not the TV. I don't understand what's happening to me.
School isn't even real for me anymore. I go there, talk to the others, show up for class. But it all seems like a fake to me - as if I'm moving through a dream. My real life is spent here at home, just thinking about what will be, and how I can go on like this.
I wonder if anyone even notices what's happening to me, if anyone even cares. Sometimes I think that as long as I show up and do what I'm expected to , no one will discover what's really going on inside of me. I feel so alone...so afraid.
I walk through my life like an actor in a play, wearing different masks when I'm with different people. But none of them are really me. I don't even know who I am anymore. I think I hate myself- whoever I am these days.
I can hardly remember what things were like before. The truth is, I don't even feel like my life is worth anything anymore. These days I have nothing left to live for, and I'm so very sad. But my pain is the worst part... It's so deep, so achy, and it just won't go away.
I am trying to remember our days together, our fights, how everything turned so messed up! I see him every where I go, and I cant seem to let go.
He is dead, jack is fucking dead, and it's all because of me.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Okay , so i am re writing you got me, but this time everything will be differnet, maybe not everyhting but ill change some stuff and ill try to write more professionley, anyway enjoy
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