I hope to make your day!

Just some questions

There is a trigger warning, if that bothers you, don't read this. And I apologize if this feels like it's aimed at you.

There is so much going on it the world, people going hungry, people walking for hours to get water. And I'm crying because my emotions are a mess.
Do I have the right to cry?

I refuse to be that Christian that is always telling the LGBT+ that they are "disgusting" I support it in someways.
Is God disappointed in me or his he proud that I am like that?

I'm told my opinion is wrong, blaming it on being tired and that thing that every girls go through once a month. I'm scared to share my opinion because it's different from everyone else's.
Do I have to be afraid to share my opinion?

Almost Everyone around me are homophobes. I want to stand up, tell them to shut up, but I can't. So I keep quiet. Whenever the LGBT+ community is talked bad about.
Is it bad that I feel personally attacked, even though I'm not part of the community?

I'm not what everyone wants me to be.
Is that wrong?

I'm smarter then everyone thinks, I act dumb because that's what people see. I act clueless, when I know what's going on all the time. I hear you talking about me.
Should I stay quiet or speak out and not hide my opinions behind me?

I know how to get you away from me, and hate me when I'm scared or hurt.
Will you look past it and know that I meant nothing and just want you to stay?

I try to help, only to make it worse. My job is to protect, but it all goes wrong.
Will you still be there when it goes wrong or will you leave because I screwed up?

I want to end it. But I stay strong. There's a blade in the bathroom, I push myself away. I have to protect others and I don't let what I've become hinder me. I'm broken.
Will you look past the brokenness and stay with me till the end of time?

You see how broken I am, but you don't understand. I cry myself to sleep wondering why I'm like this.
Why isn't God there to protect me when I try to protect others?

Will you be there, after you read this?

I'm walking alone in the sand.
Am I carrying myself, or is the Lord carrying me?