stay

just stay ?

so now we will get into the story of how i became this way , lets begin it was a rainy day outside , and i was sitting in my room looking up things on the internet now i know aesthetic people on social media ive always looked up to them . and i looked out my window i seen a package drop off at my door , i opened it and someone just pored pages / pages about how they felt about me . i was so confused , then my boy bestfriend nick wanted to come over it was fine my parent didnt care , but then he goes on to say that he was the one with the note, long story short i wanted us to stay friends but he said all or nothing and i said im sorry then i guess thats how it is . then i completely lost him and i wasnt ready for that , and that next week of school had been so good because more and more people kept talking to me. until there was one uninvited guest i had invited in my circle because i thought it would be ok , im a very welcoming person so he set down . he gets to talking and im a very shy girl so i didnt talk much i giggled here and there , and he says that he likes me and all of his friends are trying to get me to start talking to him . oh hes so irrelevant now i almost forgot his name , zack thats his name ... anways me and zack after that met up a couple of times just to hangout talk a little , he kinda wanted to get to know me but really he wanted something else, and if i started to date him this would be my first boyfriend so i was kinda new to all of this , but i didnt know that when i grow to care for them i can ruin you and thats what happens to me ,and when you start to care i can hurt when you dont get that feeling in return . i can completely change you and destroy who you are as a person . i mean honestly caring is something i wish i didnt grow to know because caring hurts to much . so we started to hang out and the first time we hung out i kinda wasnt sure of what to do because i wasnt feeling it and trust me i should of took that instinct and got lost , this guy hurt and destroy a big piece of me and made me the way i am now i have more issues than ive ever had before i have so many bad thoughts , im so afraid of people leaving my life because that is all he did . he helped me understand that people can just come up and leave your life . and it destroys you and i messed up all of your value , and i dont talk about home alot because , what is home i mean honestly i cant talk to my parents about anything and my dad is completely ( MIA )  .  it one of the worst feeling when you loose people you care about and you start losing alot of friends because they all were just fake , i honestly do not even understand this constant hurt i feel all of the time , so lets talk about the first date , the first date started good until he accused me of cheating and we have only been together for 1 month ... i started to cry and go to explain that i would never do that then we get on the topic of me and all of the guy friends i have , now honestly i dont see any problem with guy friends ... but he had to bring them all up and he never believed that there was any good in me , ever so then i go one to meet some of his friend he introduced me to . and i was very nice but all of his friends didnt like me for some reason , maybe thats because all of them tried to get at me , some more than other . i mean i cant help the fact that his friends are in to me in that way , it wasnt even my fault , but he always occused me of false accusations and i couldnt take it anymore , i was so hurt and he so clearly didnt care , then i find out i used to have a stalker when i was 12 , and he recently text me from a blocked number saying things only me and zack could know, and then text me with a pin point on his gps of there to meet me , i was so scared because you have to go threw scratchy woods which is what they call it because everything would happen , like strange things then everything you leave the wood u had mutiple scratches , and the message said ," scratchy woods for you , scratchy heart for me " i was so confused and scared so i went the person over the phone told me to go alone , so i started walking down dazzle street and then i stop right before the woods there was a note that said come and find me pretty , i was so cofused so im walking threw the woods and i get a text that says "i see you , you wanna know who i am ?" i i yell out who!! then the tree start moving then i start sweating and shaking not knowing what to do , then i take a few steps towards a box i see , then as i go to open it something taps my shoulder then ... whoever it was turned me around and wispered