kiyah's rants

wattpad thread.

so 🗣 just wanna take the time to show y'all how if you think you're in love w someone, it can really blind tf outta you.

don't judge me, i know i was dumb and I really do feel fucked up about the whole situation. i just thought itd be interesting to share w y'all bc I trust y'all and I want to share what goes on in my life. but y'all, I KNOW NOW THAT I WAS A DUMB NAIVE LITTLE HOE. I get it already, so don't try to tell me in the comments or I'll block your shit SAP.

okay, so there's a boy ... we'll call him Jay. Me and Jay have been on and off for almost four years. Now that Jay and I are older, shit has been getting serious. We started " talking talking "in January, but our schedules are so busy we haven't got time to actually see each other in a long ass time.

so, we were texting and snapchatting or whatever, and y'all, I swearrrr I thought I was in love w Jay. Like, I had these scenarios in my head of us hanging at his house, and me watching him play the game, and us taking cute mirror pics — like I'm a huge sucker for this shit and I just knew it was all gonna go down w Jay.

And before me and Jay were "serious" (I put quotes now bc he's a fucking JOKE) I was all against sex. I'm 16, I wanted to wait til I was 18. I didn't send nudes bc I was scared as shit that someone would screenshot and expose me. like no, ya girl wasn't w it.

But, I was so blinded by this dude that in my head, I would do anything to keep him. Y'all, HE CHANGED EVERYTHING I WENT FOR. My dumbass sent nudes, and I agreed to have sex w him and even give him head.

So.. this is where we get to the part where we actually meet up 🌚

Aight, so after a devious and smart ass scheme, I go to my grandmas house bc her house is easier to sneak out of. He basically told me to meet him at a nearby school and we'd walk to his aunts house together bc that's where he was.

Me, freshly shaven and taken care of was like aight bet. So I walked there at like 1:30, scared as shit of a cop or pedophile to walk up on me. And I made it and I waited for him to come for like .. 10 mins, right? He texted me, hold on, just keep walking we'll run into each other.

My dumb ass kept motherfucking walking. Everytime I stopped. "Wya?"

"Just keep walking."

I ended up walking the whole way by myself because he's a motherfucking liar. At almost 2 am, I WALKED ALMOST A MILE BY MYSELF. And 17 mins is a fucking estimate. It took me about half an hour. pissed was an understatement, but yknow what? I just put it aside like, okay, kiyah, don't be tripping.

So boom I'm outside his house waiting for him to sneak me in, and then him and some other dude came out and unlocked a car and he gon open the door on some fake gentleman shit.

again, i wanted to throw a fucking brick but I was like okay, kiyah, it's not as bad as it looks

WHEN IT WAS! I WALKED A MILE TO SIT AND POSSIBLY LOSE MY V IN A CAR? FUCK NO!

So, I got in the car anyway like the idiot I am and I was just looking out the window and he was like "why you so shy?"

And I said "why you keep texting me like you was actually gon meet me or something?"

And he said. Like y'all, I SWEAR I CANT MAKE THIS UP. "Because it was gon make you walk faster.

😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐

The smart thing to do would've been to get out and leave right then in there.

But, I put my pride a side like a dumb mf and just said, "well, you're walking me back all the way."

And he said okay (but obviously he was lying)

And yeah, we were talking and then the first thing he brings up is when I said I'd give him head. Yeah, our first time seeing each other in months and that's what he says.

At that point, ik I'm not about to do that shit and I told him straight up like yo I'm scared. He's trying to convince me like a pathetic little kid like

"Come on, please? Just two seconds? No ten seconds? 15? 30? You don't even have to suck just put it in your mouth —" LIKE NIGGA WHAT?

at that point he's ticked, but so was I TUH. Tf

then we start talking again, and he pulls me on his lap and like I said y'all, I really like him so that made me happy nfs. like butterflies and that other sappy shit.

and then he starts fingering me, and ngl, it was ass. I had to pretend like I was holding back moans to make him feel good or whatevs, but it was straight ass cheeks. didn't feel good at all, playa didn't know what he was doing yo

then, after I got wet or whatever (AND IDEK HOW BC IT WASNT— yknow what, nvm) we got in a slight argument bc he was now convinced I wasn't a virgin 😐 like wut?

and we got back cool ig, and he put my hand on his crotch and like made me .. rub it, ig? he liked the shit, but mad uncomfortable for me btw

then we finally get to the sex topic, but at this point idek if I want to lose it to him at this point bc hell no.

and then, HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A CONDOM! talking about, he left it in the house! like boyyy you really done fucked up didnt ya

he's begging for me to let him do it without one, and I'm just like NOOO TF I LOOK LIKE HAVING A KID IM NOT PREPARED FOR? AND YOU COULDNT EVEN MEET ME HALFWAY, YOU DAMN SURE AINT READY EITHER.

then, his pathetic little ass gon say

" wElL cAn i juSt pUt iT iN rEaL QUick aND tAKe iT oUt"

ummm fUck nO . tf???

so, ig he's salty and idc bc I'm mad too. I wasted my time, and now I'm really seeing how much this dude is a major fuckboy, and I'm over the whole thing.

then something happened where he thought his aunt woke up, so he told me to hold on and he'd be right back.

I waited in the car alone for about 5 mins before getting out, and he texted me like "I can't walk you home bc she's in the bathroom so I can't sneak out again" 😐😐😐😐

and at that point, I'm over it.

I leave, and idk whether to cry or what. like yo, did I really just let him finger me? like did he deserve any of that? even if I didn't let him fuck, did he deserve me at all?

and like the next week (bc this all happened the saturday before Easter) we literally stopped texting. he would leave me on read, not open my snapchats — HE EVEN LOST OUR STREAK.

so me, feeling like a used piece of shit, blocked him, and now I'm free.

sorry if this was long, I just wanted to share my first experience w a fuckboy bc honestly I NEVER thought I'd ever mess w one. guess I was real wrong :)

now I'm glad ik my worth, bc y'all, he was DEFINITELY NOT IT. okurrrrt !

on to the next 🤪