The Bully I Thought I Lost... (Boyxboy)

Chapter Eight

I woke up in the middle of the night wishing what had happened was a dream. I feel like that stupid bully I once was... Her moans were stuck in my head, haunting me. I shouldn't have done it! How will I tell him?

I get up, keeping in mind that its 3 AM, and shake Jay.
"Wake up...I need to tell you something and I give you permission to punch me in the face after..." I whisper to him as he's waking up.
" Yea?" He asked in a low raspy whisper back.
"I uh... Some girl I know texted me a bit ago... And uh..."
"You cheated didn't you?" he got a bit louder.

I looked up into his eyes, which had a clear liquid forming in them.
He reached his hand up and slapped me across the face with the back of it.
I took it, as I completely deserved every second of that slap.
"I knew it! What the hell was I even thinking? I know how this went down...she asked you, you said you shouldn't or some shit, and she said to talk about it."

I didn't understand how he knew every detail.
"I can't take it! If you didn't feel like the bully before this, you really should feel it now!"
"I deserve it. I did you wrong..."
"Who was it?" he asked.
"Some stupid girl."
"God damnit, Misha! Tell me her fucking name!"
I waited a few seconds before replying.
"Lucy... Lucy Verri."

I could tell he started crying...
"G-Get away from me..." He stammered through his words.
" Jay, do-" I start.
"No! I have every right to be upset! Why the hell would you do that? Just...leave me be for a while..." He said before quickly burying his body under the blankets.

I now realize what being in a relationship means... I guess every relationship I've had wasn't real because nothing ever ended like this before...
I went back to my bed and sat there, unclear of what might happen in the morning.

I woke up after Jay did, because he was nowhere to be seen when I looked towards his bed. He must've gone to a friends dorm.
I feel the urge to find him as I was severely worried about him.
I quickly change, clean my teeth and head out before 15 minutes passes.
A variety of people tried to talk to me, because...well? You know why. There were things that needed to be taken care of.
I quickly arrived at Sarah's dorm and knocked harshly.
She opened and stared me down.

"Please tell me he's here."
Her eyes widened in disbelief. 
"He told me. That was wrong. I'm not helping you."
I pushed her door open and intimidatingly walked forward until I was towering over her. Leaning down, I whispered in her ear.
"Tell me where the fuck he is. He isn't at the dorm. When he gets upset he comes here. If hes not here he's out missing. So tell me. Is he here?"
" No. " she simply said, and closed the door at my face. She quickly opened the door again, but this time she had a bag with her.

"I can't believe you would do that. He's so fragile. He came to my dorm at 5 in the morning and he couldn't control himself."
I didn't say a word to her because I knew she was right.
"Don't shun me, asshole." She said and started walking to the dorm exit. I followed behind her, ready to hear what else she had to say.
"Im not shunning you."
"Yes you are. Shunning means to avoid or ignore persistently?"
I thought hard to myself.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked and opened the doors to exit the dorms.
"How you knew that off the top of your head."
"I spent years of my life reading the dictionary as a punishment from my parents. I now cary one around and read it when I'm bored."
"Do you have one right now?"
"As a matter of fact, yes. Its one of the only things in my backpack."
We left school grounds and headed one particular way. After walking around the rigid pathway, we began walking around on some sand.

"Don't move or you'll scare him away." She says.
"I'm being serious! He's paranoid as fuck right now."

Jay's POV

Sarah came up to me and sat on the left side as I continued staring into the deep blue ocean that reminded me solely of Misha's eyes.

"Jesus. He wanted to know if you were okay. He literally followed me here."
I let out a fake chuckle that was nowhere near a real one.
"Tell him I said fuck off. I can't share a dorm with him, Sarah... Hell, I'd be lucky if I didn't cry when his name pops up."
She reaches in her backpack and pulls out a paper and pencil, and a dictionary.
"Dig through this and find every word that either you feel, or you think describes Misha, and then write the definition." She said and got up, brushing the sand off her butt.
"Come to my dorm afterwards. Kay?" She finished and walked away without giving me a chance to reply.

I was sitting on the beach for 2 hours, writing away at the paper. I got up and walked to Sarah's dorm, with so much anger, stress, tears built up on the inside of me. I was so hurt. So hurt that I wished he didn't exist. To be perfectly honest, that "treatment" really worked.
I arrived at Sarah's dorm rather quickly, only to find Misha banging on her door.

I needed to be brave. I can do this.
I walked up to him and said "Move." Without any other context.
"What if I said no?"
"What the hell has gotten into you?" I say, trying to be generous of the people in other rooms.
"Right back at you. One day you were a gentle little cat and now you're acting like some monster!"
"One day you were a respectful boyfriend, and the next you're a cheater." I've never back talked like this before.
He took a few steps back. I knocked lightly and she opened the door, quickly grabbing my arm and pulling me into the room.
She closed the door and locked it behind us.

After we both took a sigh, she yanked the paper from me.
"Pompous. Good one. Wheres your definitions?"
"On the back."
"Ah. Okay. By the way, I have a question about sexuality. I'm a bit confused..." She said as she walked to her bed and began taking her shoe off.
"Ask away."
"How do you know if your gay?"

"Oh...um...well for me, I met this one guy in elementary and I felt obsessed. It was so bad. I've never felt that towards a girl after that."
"Do you think it's possible for you to ever like a girl again?"
"I-yes. I do. I can't consider myself bisexual until I know that for a fact. But I do think I could fall in love with a girl. If I knew she was the one."

Over the course of the weeks, I've slept over at Sarah's, occasionally going back to my dorm to get clothes. I haven't talked to Misha in any of that time. It felt great to get closer to Sarah anyways. I can't help but wonder if maybe I have a crush on her? I don't even know the answer myself... But she doesn't seem in the wrong, she's always helping. After I broke up with Misha, I couldn't have asked any other person to give me a dictionary.

I woke up the next Saturday and Sarah was already up.
"Sarah..."
She looked at me with her eyebrows up.
"You never wake up like that. What's up?"
"You were in my dream last night. And w- hold on...I need to say something that's been on my mind for awhile. I think...and I mean that I think, that I have a crush on you...I don't know what to think..."

"Shut up, I think I've liked you since I met you..." She said calmly.
I chuckled awkwardly because I had no clue what to say.
"It's so weird...I thought I was gay..."
"I thought so too." She chuckled.
I got up and went up to her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and looked up at me. I quickly reacted and hugged her back.
"You have warm hugs, dude."
"Thanks." I said deeply.
I kissed the top of her head quickly and backed away to scavenge for some clothes to change into.