Without You

Chapter I

Pain.

What does pain mean?

What does pain mean to me?

Pain means to feel. Whether I feel a tinge of happiness, a ton of sadness, an ocean of hopelessness.... All I feel is pain. The pain of not feeling nothing. The pain of the world on your shoulders.

The pain of falling....and no one to catch me.

The pain of knowing it's really ME...against the world.

The pain hurts but at least I feel.

I feel nothing at times, but at least I feel pain...

Because pain is better to feel then nothing at all.......

Chapter I

picture of Carter-->

6:30AM, my alarm rings. I begrudgingly turn it off and sit up in my full size bed. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I get up to stretch, thanking God I woke up another day. 

I check my phone and see I had no notifications. Worry starts to gather into the pit of my stomach but I push it to the back of my mind. I had other duties to take care of this morning, starting with the boy in the room across from mine. I make up my bed fairly quickly and head across the hall.

"Rise and shine O Mighty One," I say as I turn on the light switch. My little brother stirs but is not awake. I shake my head, grinning as this is our daily morning routine. I walk over to his bed and snatch his blanket off him. His eyes shoot open, feeling the warmth disappear was for sure to wake him up.

"COME ON CARTER! Why do you do this every morning?! There should be a law against waking someone up abruptly! It ruins a good night of sleep!" Jay whines. He scoots toward the edge of his bed and rubs a hand down his face. "But thanks," he says sheepishly, getting up. I know he is appreciative of my morning wake up calls because if I leave it up to him, he would sleep until the next day.

"You're welcome," I say as I walk out of his room. I needed to start getting dressed myself due to us both having to attend school within the next hour and a half.

 As I head to the bathroom down the hall, I pass by my twin brother's room and stop. The door is closed. Hope starts to swarm within me and I open the door. I see no one is in there. I shake my head to myself. I don't know why he doesn't have the common decency to text me if he's not coming home. It gives me time to conjure up a story to tell our grandparents.

Having to cover up for him was getting tiring...and lying was not my forte. 

I yet again push back the worry and get dressed for school. I brushed my dark brown hair and decided to wear it down in its natural curly slate. Eyeliner and mascara was the only makeup I could really do, besides putting on lipgloss. So I wore it everyday to spruce my appearance.