My Hot Coach

Waking up every morning is a freaking struggle. Another day to face everyone with a smile, but no one even bother asking or noticing if the smile i'm wearing was a real one.

fake a smile, conceal everything, your fooling yourself as if your leaving a perfect life.

keep going as if your life is just a normal one. wait what's NORMAL?
i don't even know. Its like i'm living in a lie, trying to escape but unfortunately don't know where to go..

They can see I'm smiling, Everyone knows i'm happy, well what can i say "I'm good at hiding, faking a smile and pretending to be okay"

I'm Annika, 18yrs old, i lived in a small town in Australia. i love listening to music, its been my escaped from everything, everyone's left and got tired of me including my friends but music didn't left, music is my best friend. Growing up wasn't that easy, especially if you have to go to school and get bullied by bunch of teenagers who doesn't even given you a chance for them to get to know you. Instead its so easy for them to judge base on your physical appearance. I'm well aware of my flaws, i'm self conscious, i hated myself and those bullies made it even worst.

I chose not to open up to other people about it, I bottled it all up to myself, too scared to trust and i know no one last forever so why bother being attach to someone who will eventually leave me. I build a fucking wall too high that even me i find it hard to put this wall down.

Is there anyone who can help me?, is there someone willing to care? am I ready to trust? Can someone put this high wall down? Is there someone willing to love me for me?
Too many questions left unanswered.

I doubt it.. sigh..

i graduated from highschool aka hell, months had passed lots of changes happened to me and now college is about to start, what's going to happen idk..

Annika's POV

Its night again sigh.. another sleepless night. The only person that kept me going was my younger sister belle, i'm too scared that she might face the same obstacle where i'm in.

All i can do was to be there for her, conceal and try not to tell her everything that i'm going through, she doesn't deserve to know how messed up her older sis.

looking at the ceiling for couple of mins FUCK! I can't sleep too many things running in mind, I turned right and then left, trying to force myself to sleep. Which eventually my body gave in and fell asleep,

Next thing i knew i wake up to the sound of my alarm blaring inside my room.

UGHHH FFS! Let me sleep!!
I feel like i haven't slept longer in ages. damn thoughts i blame you!

i checked my phone, ofc i didn't have any messages from someone.
I jumped off my bed and went to shower.

seeing myself in the mirror, idk who i am anymore, i've changed a lot, i can't say its for the better. From a freezy hair to straight pretty hair, from being natural to applying make up. i changed myself to fit it, but still i'm not happy, still feeling worthless, still wasn't enough.

Annika! Can you please hurry up and put lazy ass down here. Why taking so long ah?! mom yelled.

Ok ok I'm coming! I yelled back.

Ughh! why they're always in a hurry, Just let me do my make up.

I put on a black sweater and ripped jeans together with my vans shoes.
made a messy bun and finished my make up, just mascara and lip gloss, took a last glance on the mirror, cool i do looked cute tho. feeling satisfied will my look i headed downstairs.

mom, dad, no answer
MOM! DAD! still no answer wtf! they left without me. grrr!
heading to the kitchen i saw a note on the fridge

to: Annika

honey we already left, sorry we can't wait for you any longer, i need to be in the office early, same as your dad, theres food on the table eat before you go to college.

-mom xx

OHH GREAT! now i need to catch the bus or i'll be late first day of college ugh! but idaf.

i didn't bother to eat breakfast, not bc i'm full or whatever, its just that i'm not a breakfast person, i just need to drop by starbucks and i'm good.

i locked the house and started to walk to the nearest bus stop.
while walking, i have lot of thoughts in my head.

highschool was hell as fuck, i still look back from what happened those days, 4 fucking years i survived it, they called me so many names such as FREEZY HAIR, UGLY, FAT, WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!
i was depressed, didn't have anyone, it was a battle for me to win, it affected me too much and i'm glad its all over.

after i graduated highschool i felt relief, finally they're all gone, all the teasing, all the bullies that made my life a living hell, but even if it was all over the damages were all done and made a worst impact in my life. all the words that they've been saying all gotten in to, fat, ugly, freezy hair. worthless.

throughout summer i decided to change myself to fit in, i starved myself to lose weight, when to salon for my hair, gym, gym and gym.
and here i am right now, a whole different me Annika version 2.0 , i've changed too much.