WISDOM TEETH

how awesome i feel inside

have you ever seen a sinkhole take shape? vampires, babies and vacuum cleaners. your comfort is your prison, but my compass needle is pointing right at you
and im trying to be brave because that makes other people feel brave and because they tell me to be brave because that's what they think is the fucking solution to my depression and my ocd
but do u wanna know how it actually feels?
i feel the tiniest pinprick close to my bellybutton and then it feels like my body is simultaneously erasing its contact with gravity while slowly dropping into the earth, opening up to swallow every Bad Thing i can fish out of myself , hanging it out to dry, then folding it and finally shoving it back to fill up this starved hollow.
i didn't want to live in a world where sunglasses aren't cool , oh i didn't want to but i already had. i saw a man once, and he looked just like you and he was eating the candy bar of my dreams. stop yelling at my television,  please , the sound of people chewing. things that can happen (8282929292 results found?) , things happen whenever they want. and i've stopped trying to get what i want but i still want it. a tree is a tree? but two is a forest. wanna trade my psychosis for your neurosis? and we're the children of a yelling marriage but fuck fuck fuck the alphabet soup is missing an 'o' and that could be the shape of her mouth if i kicked her in the crotch right now? but why would i? but why wouldn't i? i read this word off my shampoo bottle but i want to eat xylenesulfonate now. it was 12.34 am (EST) and we were hungry and we got into a cubby bar on the 49th street overlooking the hershey's avenue at times square  and a fat yet young german bartender , when asked by meself to make my beverage ice-free, informed me in his rather awkward accent that he always found people who didn't have ice weird and managed to serve us a gosh darned huge bowl of caesar salad with big & chunky croutons and that's the story of how i met denzel washington and how in 20 years i'd own a townhouse in this city where loners don't look like loners because they can pretend to be busy with themselves and the lord knows how lonely it gets in this body and this mind sometimes
*ewww is that a cobweb on the 'healthy emotional outlets' section of the brain? rusty yes but go off i guess*
oh i love zigzag the snake he has exactly 3 crimson hexagonal shapes on his rear end it feels like just yesterday when i washed his scaly , reptilian, beard stroking body
and everyone cries when you poke them in the eyes and everyone you love eventually leaves you and no matter how cHeEsY this sounds it's true
you could stay up countless hours or  you could respond to their texts quick as a cat or provide millions of $$$$$$$ worth therapy for free or you could give advice on things that you've never even experienced for yourself but
they will always say 'i didn't ask you to'
and that's the shittiest people in the world volume I
i deserve every punch that lands on me. i think i don't, but somewhere inside i know better.
I CANT TELL A SHEEP FROM A WOLF BECAUSE IM BOTH MY OWN PREDATOR AND PREY AND THAT'S HOW TWISTED I'VE BECOME.

and that's how it actually feels when there's a war to be won but there is no war
it's something subtle. it's something so subtle. it's something so subtle it never even happens, you just think it does.
and things and people terrify me , i don't know anything anymore. loneliness marks me like a cattle brand, yet i write this because some people help and some people need help and im both fuck me i guess!1!
THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON FOR YOU, and that is you. Good luck