Goodbye (Percy Jackson)

This Game Shits

Nico

I texted Jason after that and sat in my room feeling sorry for myself. It was dumb, sure. But it frustrated me.

I don't want to come out. I'd do like anything to avoid coming out, okay? The idea scares me shitless. Especially with Hazel. Her being  homophobic and all. It sucks.

But at the same time, I want to be able to be out without coming out and just have a boyfriend and not have to pretend to be straight.

I'm so fucking tired of pretending to be straight.

So I decided to talk to Jason about it, but of course that helps absolutely not at all.

So then I figured what the hell, I have nothing better to do. Might as well head to Bunker 9 and try to make things not weird.

Try.

Of course leo was there. On the ground just tinkering with something in his hands. Trying to keep his mind off of what's been going on.

Calypso broke up with him recently and I think he took it weird. But then again, it was a weird break up. Especially considering she broke up with him because he's bi. That was like the only reason.

The breakup itself he's been over. But the reason was starting to mess with him.

"Hey," I said and he jumped, not noticing me walk in. "You good?"

"Hm? Sure, yeah." Leo answered, shrugging.

Might as well cut right to the chase. The longer it's put off, it weirded it gets. That's how it goes.

"Leo, you can drop the whole whatever this is." I informed him, which of course threw him off. "I'm not dumb, you're here and you're tinkering so you don't have to think about the fact that you're bi and it bugs you because you're not comfortable with it."

"Nico, you don't need to—"

"Yes," I wasn't letting this just drop. "I do need to, Leo. I don't know how I come off to you outside of not very friendly. Like it's different for everyone. Annabeth thinks I'm the worlds biggest bitch, meanwhile Percy will do like anything if means I don't hate him. Like that's not new. But I'm not going to just watch you feel bad all the time because of something you can't control."

He shrugged, as if asking me why not. I've never cared before, why is it a big deal now?

And I wish I knew. But it just bugged me.

I don't like him. Again, he annoys the shit out of me most of the time and there's no foreseeable future where I don't like Percy more than I should. This just bothers me.

"And really I don't know why I care, so don't even ask." I cleared that up right away for him. "But I mean, you asking me to hang out wasn't the worst thing to ever happen to me, Leo. So don't act like it is. It was actually really nice of you, people don't do that sort of thing anymore. Not to me, that is. Just because you're bi doesn't mean that I'm not going to want to talk to you or be your friend."

"Are you sure about that?"

I sighed and ignored my anxiety. Who fucking cares, right? It's the 21st century and he won't listen to me otherwise.

"Well considering I'm gay and really just don't have the nerve to come out, I'm pretty fucking sure that's how it works, yeah."

Of course, Leo didn't respond. He just looked at me, shocked, not knowing how to respond. And I get it. Jason had the same reaction. I'm sure most people will. I don't exactly scream that I like dick.

"Is that what you needed to hear to believe me?" I questioned. "Because that's about all I can offer. I don't hate you for being openly bisexual, Leo. I have no logical reason to hate you or not want to associate with you."

"So..." But he didn't go into my sexuality, thank the gods. "Cool. Then why uh... Sorry if this sounds rude, but why do you act like you just don't like anyone? It's kind of intimidating."

I shrugged, not realizing I came off like that entirely. I knew that I gave off a vibe that kept people away for the most part. Hazel and Frank ignored it, though, so I just kind of assumed that it was just to people that knew me here. That knew about Bianca and just wouldn't change who I was to them. The kid who yelled at Percy that he killed my sister and ran away and didn't want to come back because of it. The kid who hates it here.

"I guess I didn't think it came across as that, but alright," I responded, unsure as how I should respond to that. "I guess I also didn't know what I came off as outside of not super friendly. But to answer that... I don't know, that's not my goal."

I thought for a second.

"I mean, just with how much you spite Percy and kind of just seen to stay to yourself and like you avoid people..." Leo remarked.

But there was only one legitimate answer.

"I guess I'm just bad at communicating with others," I told the son of Hephaestus, figuring that was part of it. "between that and the fact that I started on a bad note here, I guess that's how it comes off. People didn't want to be my friend, so I stopped trying."

People didn't want to be my friend. Annabeth was nothing but a bitch towards me, I pushed Percy away, and with him, Grover went.

That's like, all of camp. The others have left.

The only people who really talked to me were the Stolls. And now they're both gone. Connor and Travis are both in college. Grover is never here anymore. Thalia is here a few times a year, maybe. I was never close with Clarisse, and either way, she's in college, too.

Nobody else seemed to really appreciate my presence. Leo does. He's awkward, can be annoying, but he does. Piper is intimidated by me, I think. Jason is annoying, but he's nice. Frank is cool, but he's always with Hazel, and she makes me feel bad.

It gets lonely, but that's life.

It's frustrating, but again, that's just life.

"Oh." Leo responded, because from there, I could see that he didn't know where to go with the conversation. He wasn't expecting something like that. He was probably expecting me to say that it's because I don't like people. They annoy me.

And sometimes, they can. But I like to give them a chance.

"Mhm."

And thank gods, the dinner conch went off as I left Bunker 9 as soon as I heard it.

I can't be Leo's pity friend. I feel bad that he's having trouble with being bi and whatever else. But with where I am and how okay I am with being gay, I'm not in a spot to be able to help him with his problems.

So, after dinner, I figured I'd take a break for a day or two. I warned Chiron, promised him I'd be back, and I left.

It's not my problem.