MCU x Reader Stories

(3) Steve Rogers x Reader ~ No Joking Matter

Word Count: 1071

Waking up to the sound of gunshots echoing from the floor below, Steve springs out of bed and lunges across his room for the polished shield resting on his desk, immediately bolting out the door to locate the source of the loud noise. The super soldier's weighted steps stirs an exhausted redhead from her sleep, prompting her to awaken with a start.

"Nat, did you hear it? There were shots fired from the lower floor," Steve says, completely disregarding Natasha's disheveled hair and the dark circles beneath her eyes as he examines all the rooms on her floor.

"Hear what?" The redhead fights back a yawn. Natasha shrinks away from the threshold to return to the comfort of her duvet. "It was probably Stark playing around in his lab," she mutters to herself, "Wouldn't be the first time he's disrupted our sleep."

As a man who has fought against many formidable enemies, Steve refuses to back down until the mystery is resolved. Satisfied with his inspection on Natasha's floor, the super soldier hurries over to Bucky's floor, enlisting his best friend's help before taking the elevator down to pay a certain genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist a visit.

"Why are we doing this so formally, again," Bucky hisses grumpily, raising his firearm at the locked doors with a sticker labeling the room on the other side as: 'The Science Bros.' Lab.'

"Because, it's Stark. For all we know, there could be a large robot ready to kill us the moment we step through the doorway."

Punching in 'Capsicle Sucks', the password to the lab that leaves the super soldier irked with each visit, Steve slams his shoulder against the door once the door unlocks, sidestepping to let Bucky enter first. The scene playing out before the super soldier duo leaves them frozen and dumbfounded.

Standing on one of the tables, a quivering Tony Stark clings onto his best friend like a koala to a tree while letting out a shrill scream every few seconds. (Y/n) struggles to support the weight of the wealthy man as she frantically waves her handgun in a fanning motion across the room, occasionally firing at what the two super soldiers deem to be nothing but the floor.

"Okay, what is going on here, guys? You can't just shoot your weapon in the lab, plus, it's two in the morning. Holster your gun right now, (Y/n)," Steve reprimands, a long yawn following his statement soon after. He watches his girlfriend like a hawk as she slips the firearm into its leather sheath. "Now, one of you better start explaining before I take this up with Fury, and I will personally see to it that he takes away your lab and weapon privileges."

"What?!" Tony gasps in horror and nearly sends (Y/n) and himself toppling off the metal lab table. "You, sir, have no right to exercise such a cruel and unusual punishment! I demand equality!"

"Stark, you and (Y/n) are standing on a table in the middle of the lab only two hours after midnight, the former screaming at a ridiculously high pitch for a man while the latter is shooting blindly at the tiled floor. Please tell me what I am failing to understand here, because from where Bucky and I are standing, all I see is madness."

"It is not madness," (Y/n) pipes up. From her awkwardly bend position in order to keep Stark and herself upright, the Level 8 agent stomps her feet in a childish manner. "There is a deadly, man-eating, soul-sucking, death-bringing, ugly, disgusting creature in this very room that means to end us all! We would be foolish to leave it wandering freely around the tower! It will kill us in our sleep!!"

Bucky and Steve share wary glances before stepping towards the cowering duo, each of the super soldiers ready to assist in the supposed battle for life. They each scan the room with their eyes peeled wide open. Taking in every little detail of the room, the placement of each object commits itself to the super soldiers' memories, but no 'deadly, man-eating, soul-sucking, death-bringing, ugly, disgusting creature' can be seen.

"Okay...What exactly are we looking for," Bucky inquires. "I don't exactly see any moving creatures that match your description."

"(Y/n), we don't see any moving creatures, so start telling the truth or there will be more than just privileges being suspended. You too, Stark."

"OH MY GOD, IT'S RIGHT THERE!"

Tony's sudden shriek startles all the heroes around him, sending each person into a panic. (Y/n) and Bucky flail their arms wildly with their weapons in hand while Steve readies his shield, leaving Tony to play the role of a damsel in distress.

"Stark, I don't see a-"

"IT'S ON HER LEG!"

Joining in on the loud shrieks of terror, (Y/n) begins to hyperventilate, screaming for one of the super soldiers to remove the creature off her body. Steve moves his face closer to inspect his girlfriend's thigh, squinting his eyes in order to finally locate the being that is the source of this chaos.

"It's just a spider, guys."

"No, no, no," Tony protests as he shakes his head rapidly. "Those things are the worst!"

"Someone please get this thing off of me!!"

With a single, swift motion, Steve brushes off the spider from (Y/n)'s thigh and prepares to walk away from the lab when a loud gunshot jostles him from the calm state he settled into only seconds ago. A bullet embedded into the tiled flooring drains what little patience remains within Steve.

Looking at (Y/n) with a disapproving glare, Steve starts to scold the agent for using her weapon despite receiving orders to holster the gun and not fire, only to notice a small smoke trail in his peripheral vision. Eyes trailing from the whips of smoke, Steve is astonished to learn that Bucky had pulled the trigger.

"Bucky!" Steve shouts at the other super soldier exasperatedly. Not only is Bucky's firearm much louder than (Y/n)'s, but he is disappointed that his friend would act just like the other two in the room.

The former Winter Soldier whines at his best friend with a pout. Pale blue eyes gaze into Steve's equally blue ones in an innocent fashion. "What? I hate spiders too."