The Bridge

Chapter 3

I was shocked. Very shocked.
And heart broken.
I can't believe that all this time, Parker, my bestfriend, my savior, the love of my life, is in love with my sister.
I can't think, i can't breathe, i was frozen, staring back at my bestfriend's eyes, searching for anything that will tell me that his joking, that he's just playing with me.

He's staring at me, waiting for me to answer his request.
"I know it's kind of sudden, and i know you love your sister to trust her to anyone but, I really like her Raine.
Ever since I met her when we had our first sleep over at your house i can't take her out of my mind.
She's smart, kind, funny, beautiful.
She's just like you Raine, that's why I like her."

'Just like me'? So the reason he likes Elaine is because we're 'the same' but Elaine's a girl so he want her.
I suddenly felt bitter about it.
I'm Parker's type but I'm a guy so he chose my twin sister Elaine.
I really don't know what to feel now.
I'm having a war inside me.
I feel sad, bitter, anger...
But what i feel the most is...
I feel broken...

I try to put a smile on my face, even if i know it's a fake one.
"Sure Parker, what do you want me to do?" It felt bitter when i said those words.
It felt as if i just sealed my fate.
A fate that i can never have the love i really want and need.

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After our lunch, we start going to our next class.
Parker told me his plan.
He wants to be my sister's secret admirer and he wants me to monitor my sister if she will like the things that he will do.
He also wants me to help him with his letters because he knows that I'm good with writing letters and poems.
I just nod with all of his plans but i just want him to shut up.
I don't want to hear his plans anymore because i know that if this plan works, then I'm done for.

I can't still grasped the concept of Parker liking my twin sister.
I keep having this negative thoughts.
'Does he really been my friend? Or did he just befriended me to be close to my sister' 
'Why my sister?'
'Why not me?'
'Am i really going to lose Parker that easy?'
I don't know what to do...
Should I really help Parker?
Even if I'm going to get my heart break?
Or should I fight for what i feel?

When I got home, i saw my mom  cooking.
"Hey mom..."
"Hi Rainy~ how your day sweety?"
"It's alright"
"Are you okay sweetheart? You look down" My mom asked me worriedly.
"I'm okay mom, just tired" well that is kind of true because i'm tired of having these negative thoughts on my head.
"Oh...okay Rainy, you go upstairs and take a rest, I'll just call you later when dinner is ready, m'kay?"
"Thanks mom." Then i went up to my room and lied in my bed.

I just lay there and think about my problems in life:
1.) I haven't told my family yet that I am gay.
2.) I still don't know what to do with what Parker have asked me.
3.) I don't know how will I look at my sister without feeling jealous.

Thinking about these stuffs really made me tired mentally and emotionally.
I just want to sleep and let all of these problems be forgotten.
And that's what I did, I slept.