With The Flow

Nerves

At this point I can't tell if I'm shaking from the coffee I just wolfed down in three minutes flat, or from the daily nerves. After going back and forth in between my mind for a couple of minutes while aimlessly scrolling through Twitter, I come to the conclusion it's both.

My Uber to work is quiet and awkward, I sit in the back as I always do to avoid human confrontation. The middle aged man driving is very kind when he asks me what I have planned for the day, as it was only 6:13 am.

"Oh, just work for me today. How about you?" I ask back.

"Just the same old routine here." He groans and shifts his weight in his seat. I smile slightly and see him glance up at his mirror.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" He switches every couple of seconds from concentrating on me, to the cars in front of him. I smile to appear not pissed off that I have to have this conversation again.

"Um I actually do some modeling work for some companies. Maybe you've seen me in some catalogues?" I despise myself after saying that.

"Oh! How cool!" He says. It's really not, I think to myself.

"That's such an interesting thing to do. You must be very good at it. Your a really beautiful person." He smiles goofily and I'm forced to smile back. I debate opening the car doors and jumping out right then and there.

It's not that I don't like my job. It's that it's just personal for me. I can't remember the last time I'd gone out to lunch with friends or went to the beach. It's just getting to a point where I'm not as happy as I once was. I have a lot of anxiety and all I ever seem to do is work. I also cope with a lot of self esteem issues ever since I was in middle school. Teachers could literally use me as an example for dramatic irony.

I do like my job, I just hate talking about it. I've never thought of it as fair. While teachers and doctors get paid for helping people I get paid just as much as a doctor, and for what?

Anyways, I start for my purse as the car slows down at the curb of my agency. I hand my diver a generous tip and slam the door. I walk heavy steps towards the opening of the large building.