Love, Brevity

c a t h a r s i s

ca·thar·sis

/kəˈTHärsəs/

noun

the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions

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I just realized that every day I wake up, is a day farther from seeing you, personally or in a crowd. A day farther away from having you. I swear I am more than willing to wait years, a decade even, just to get to see you but I am afraid that once I get hit by that chance, you might be no more.

You are my happy little pill, the only drug I allow to kill,

You are the only hurricane I would voluntarily stay for,

The only distance I am willing to cross

The only temptation I am willing to fall in to

The only pain I want to endure

You are the world that orbits around my afire love, the song that calms my anxieties, the only one that can lullaby me to sleep. But then as I woke up, I found myself in a maze, and unknowingly I lured myself in, unknowingly I got myself lost. Love songs, love letters, hearts and butterflies, things I never thought would return again, things that I never thought existed in my system, things that were only for you. But if these things also in you, would you return it to me? Does the same feeling exist in you too?

Despite all that, I have already accepted the fact that the only thing we hold similar is the thing called difference. Differences. A lot of them, as much as the reasons they bombard me to stop this dive into an unknown oblivion, actually. Different time, different types, different reasons, different lives, different feelings, everything is different for the both of us. The only thing we share aside from these differences is the air we breathe and the non-existent possibility of us being together.

But that's the beauty of staying like this. Holding myself back from liking you too much because it kills my sanity and make my heart sink. Even if I am just a lover in the shadow alongside many other people. Please don't stop. You are already my spark of inspiration, no you are my inspiration. I have lost every single reason to write, I have lost every single reason to live. Writing and staying alive was just a fantasy before you came. You rekindled me. You are the reason behind my smile, the reason behind my catharsis.

You are the reason behind this, my catharsis.