I wasn't lying. Every word that I said was completely true. The only problem was that it was only half of the entire truth. However, I couldn't talk about my burning hatred toward him while I was standing at that podium. I couldn't look into his mother's teary eyes and say that I hate him. I couldn't watch his little cry as I said that I would never forgive him. I couldn't do that to them.
Instead, I spoke of my love for him. I spoke of how he will continue to exist and be a part of our lives until the rest of us pass on. I didn't dare speak of how that doesn't make him alive. I didn't speak of how no matter what we did to hold on, he was still dead. He was dead. And that was why I hated him.
***
I wanted to be in his arms forever as he held onto me. I rested my head upon his shoulder as I cried. "You're coming back," I whispered softly into his ear. "I know you will."
He placed his hand on mine and said, "I don't know. No matter what happens, though, I'll always love you." It was at that moment that I began to feel resentment toward him. I didn't know, and I knew that he didn't know. Still, he should've known what I wanted to hear. I needed to hear and he never said it.
I pulled away. "You're coming back," I said, a little bit louder. He looked at me with his innocent, light green eyes before stroking my hair. He moved a bit closer to me. Right before he could kiss me, I pulled away again. "No!" I said. "You're leaving me. You really don't have to do this, but you are. You didn't even ask me, or anyone else for that matter! I know that you want to make your own decisions or whatever, but we care about you, yet you are okay not being around!" I shouted.
He pulled me in again, and stroked my hair. "It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay," he said.
I shook my head. "No. It's too late for that. Your mother needs you. So does Jade. How could you leave Jade? And me? You're my everything. You're willing to take everything away from me," I said before crying even more. "We need you," I began saying repeatedly. "I need you."
***
I'm not that pathetic girl that collapsed in his arms anymore, though. I have changed entirely.
