"I hate this place," Jack grumbled. He hunched forward, shivering despite his heavy cargo pants, boots, gloves, thick shirt, and hip-length leather coat, and leaned on Arcee's handlebars. Pouring rain splattered his helmet visor and created a muted roar all around him. He wiped the visor off and tried to keep an eye on the restaurant to the right of the mall's main entrance without staring straight through the window at the still ridiculously-dressed Sokolov. "I'll be glad when I can put my armor on. At least it has a built-in heating unit."
"At least this isn't Florida," Terwilliger said over the comm. "I grew up there, kind of all over the place. My parents moved around a lot. Some parts aren't that bad, I guess, but in other parts, I was sticky all over the whole time I was there. And don't even get me started on all the fuckedupness that goes on there."
"Florida?" Strika's voice came from Jack's helmet speakers.
"It's America's syphilitic penis," Terwilliger grumbled. "As soon as I was on my own, I moved as far away as I could get and never looked back."
"I'd take almost anything over this place," Jack said. "When I was growing up, I couldn't wait to get out of Jasper, but at least the climate there never got cold enough to turn my dick into a small stack of buttons."
"That mental image is too horrifying to contemplate," Arcee said with a chuckle. "And believe me, these optics have seen some shit in the past few thousand years."
"All the more reason to wrap this up quickly and go home," Miko chimed in. "I'm bundled up in a thick shirt and coat, and my nipples are still like pencil erasers. If it gets any colder here, I'm afraid my tits might actually invert."
She appeared at the mall entrance, pretending to talk into her phone to avoid arousing suspicion. Her other hand was stuffed into her leather trench coat pocket and her arm was pressed against her side. She glanced at the Lucky Dragon restaurant before turning to the Subway on the opposite side of the door.
"Is 'Cowboy Wannafuck' still sitting there?"
"Yep," Kefira said, and Jack glanced over to where she and Terwilliger sat in Bumblebee. He'd inverted his usual yellow-and-black color scheme to make himself harder for their quarry to identify. Arcee had changed from her usual blue to dark red, and had left her Pretender body riding in Optimus's trailer with Bulkhead's mini-me and the team's gear.
"He appears to be waiting for someone," Kefira added. "Hasn't even ordered any food. And he's still wearing that ridiculous outfit. I doubt I'll be able to forget it, though I intend to try."
"Yeah, that's in my brain now. Especially the sight of his nutsack poking out of his shorts. The cowboy hat doesn't seem to be out of place in this town, though." Miko headed for the Subway. "We've only been here an hour, and I've already seen a ton of wannabe-cowboys."
"And lots of big trucks with lift kits and huge tires," Terwilliger added. "What's the deal with that, anyway?"
"It's the kind of thing a guy drives because he's hung like a thumbtack." Miko paused at the Subway's front door. "I'm gonna duck in here and grab some hot coffee before I freeze solid. Anybody wanna join me?"
"You should warm up while you have a chance, Jack." Arcee laughed. "If you shiver any harder, you might rattle a few of my parts off."
"I wouldn't feel right about leaving you out here in the rain."
"A little rain won't kill me. Go on. It's best if you don't turn into a Jacksickle before Cowboy Wannafuck finally hits the road."
"Besides," June added, "if you sit there in the pouring rain too long, people will start wondering why you're not indoors."
YOU ARE READING
Newer World Order
FanficAnother old enemy attacks suddenly, taking hostages and targeting Jack and Arcee. And having grown sick and tired of people going after her son, June decides to get much more deeply involved in the action. [Story begins about two weeks after "Harbin...
