Insanity

Your Worst Death

Chapter One

I sit in my room with the lights off, the only stream of light glistening through the window, my knees curled up to my chest while I sit on my bed, tears crawling their way down my face, and staring blankly at the wall in front of me. I don't move, I hardly even breathe, I only think one sentence, only replaying it in my head over and over again.

I'm all alone, I think, all alone.

I taste the saltwater on my lips and my eyes furiously burn. I don't bother wiping away the tears, more will come and replace them soon.

How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen? My parents are dead because of me, I let them get the virus, I let them go crazy, and I let them kill themselves. This is on me, and only me.

I suddenly hear a subtle, quite knock on my door. "Danny," I whisper, "go away." Somehow he heard me, because he responds,

"Sorry, Van, can't do that. I'll sit here all night if I have to, you're going to let me in eventually." He says. He calls me Van all the time, especially when he's trying to coax me into something or pleading for something.

"Yeah, I'll let you in eventually," I say, "but not yet. I'm just not ready yet." I again barely whisper as I feel more tears trickle down my cheeks.

"I'll break this damn door down, Van." He says bluntly. I almost chuckle, I almost giggle a little at his remark. Almost.

"Go," is all I say.

"You really think that's happening?" He asks.

"I know that's happening," I say, sounding more annoyed, my voice slowly rising in the dark room.

"You're my best friend, I'm not going anywhere." He states.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I boom. I scream louder than I have before, stronger than I have before.

"Van, I'm trying to help you, not make this worse. Do you..." He trails off, "do you have the virus?" He asks.

"No, asshole." I say. "Do you?"

"No, asshole." He responds through the door. At this I slightly smile, letting the tears fall in my mouth and onto my teeth. I wipe the tears finally and get off my bed, walking over to the door and opening it, seeing Danny's face in front of me.

"You're real stubborn, ya know that?" He asks.

"I've always been that way, and right now at least I have a good reason." I say back.

"You sure do, Van, you sure do." He says as he embraces me in a hug. He has a variety of different hugs he gives me, I can distinguish each one perfectly. This hug is with one hand on my head, resting on my hair and my scalp, and the other coming from around my shoulder and ending on my lower back, wrapping me up like a cocoon. This is the hug he gives me when I'm sad and need a friendly hug. He'd usually give me one of these if I did bad on a test, when I didn't make the softball team, or when my only boyfriend I'd ever had broke up with me, but this is the first time his hug has been so critical to me, so needed.

"They're gone, Danny, my parents are dead." I whisper into his chest.

"I know, Van, I know. They were good people, great even." He says back. We just stand there in the doorway, hugging one another, hugging one another so tight and passionate that you may think that we were hugging goodbye, that maybe one of us was even dying, but it isn't us that's dying, at least not yet.

Danny pulls away from our hug and cups his hands around my face, forcing me to meet his gaze while he searches my eyes. I finally look up at him and rest my arms at my sides. "You're not alone in this, Vanessa." He says. That's one of the rare times he actually calls me by my real name, which still feels weird to me. He usually calls me Van, it's natural now.