greenflame // I'm okay

o n e

I remember being with dad.  I remember always being there to help me feel better.  Heh.  When he wasn't there, my mom would come into play.  Well, she's not there anymore.  Same for my dad.

So I'm alone.  Yes, I'm with my friends.  The ninja.  But, I never told them, I kept it a secret for a while now.

I've abused myself before.  I like the pain.  I'm insane for liking it.  I've also always heard this little voice in my head telling me, you're not good enough, you're stupid, everyone hates you.  I believe it.  And I hate myself for believing it.  I wanna be happy, but I can't.

I sighed.  I wanted to be loved, maybe get a boyfriend or girlfriend.  Nobody knows I'm bi, I'm to scared to tell them.  To afraid of their reaction.  Even more afraid of what they will think of me.  I hate myself.  It seems like the days drag out longer and longer.  More pain flooding my body.  

I walked downstairs, wanting something to eat.  Maybe it will help clear my mind.

I walk downstairs staring at my phone, only to bump into someone along the way.  I look up, a little startled.  It was Kai.  I blushed.  I've liked him for a while now, just never had the guts to tell him.  Plus, he'll probably think I'm a freak.

"Hey Lloyd."  He said brightly smiling at me.

I gazed at the floor, trying really hard to not make eye contact.

"H-hi.." I muttered.  I walked past him into the kitchen.  I could feel his gaze on me.  He looked at me weirdly, but shrugged it off.  I opened the fridge and grabbed a chocolate chip cookie.  What?  It's good.

"Hey.."  He said behind me.  I could feel his hot breath tickle my neck.  I shivered.

I jerked my body around to face him, getting startled again.  He jolted back a bit, since I literally whipped my body around.

"What?"  I say a little bitterly

"You've seem..well...off, lately."  He admitted.  My eyes widened and my eyebrows furrowed angrily.

"Well, I'm fine."  I say and shrugged, taking another bite of my cookie.

"Okay, I guess."  He muttered under his breath while rubbing the nape of his neck and leaving.  I sighed.

Liar.  I'm stupid.  Why did I have to lie??

I lay my head against the table and wrapped my arms around it.  I started crying softly.  I'm such a crybaby.

After a few minutes, I walked back up to my room, completely forgetting about my cookie.  I guess I lost my appetite.  I groaned and shut the door behind me, locking it.  I lay down on my bed and snuggled into my pillow.

I hate myself.  Why do I do this?  Why can't I just be happy?  Whatever.  Just stop worrying and just accept it.  It's called life.

"Yup.  But I don't want my life anymore.."  I murmured and pulled the covers over my body.  I closed my eyes and fell into a deep and peaceful slumber.

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yeah i know, its short, but whatever

greenflame comes sooooooooooooooon i guess

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