Phobias

Chapter One: The Dark

Name: Carson Kotter Age: 24 Phobia: Achluophobia

“It’s been...Three days since I saw that same, awful, face again in my window at night. By now I
thought it had finally left me alone, since I haven’t seen it since I was a child, but I was wrong.
It’s like this, ‘thing’ will never leave me alone. Sometimes I try ignoring it, but it somehow never lets
me do that. The smile it holds never fades, and it’s eyes never blink. I’ve never seen the rest of
its body, I’m always too focused on the black holes it has for eyes. It has this way...of always
letting me know it’s there. It’s always in one of my windows, staring at me through the thin glass.
I’ve convinced myself that...The window is the only thing keeping it from getting into my house
and ripping my throat open. Maybe I’m just overthinking, but sometimes it feels as if that thing is
watching me in daylight too. Even when I’m leaving my house it feels like it’s watching me leave. I
can feel it’s gaze burning into the back of my neck when I sit with my back to the window.”
“When I was a kid, I tried telling my parents about it, but they brushed it off. Told me it was just
my ‘imagination’ but there was no way it was. It couldn’t be, because what kind of kid sees a
smiling, ugly, monster, staring at them all the time? Most kids see nice things,like the tooth fairy
or some other imaginary friend, but not….this. I hoped that it was gone, had left me alone after I
moved out of my parents house three years ago, but it’s still here.”

Three months later. 07,13,2018.

‘‘I’m doing everything I can to ignore the thing that watches me through my windows. It only
seems to be getting worse though. Sometimes the sun will be setting, and I’ll see it, but it’s only
ever shown itself in the dark. Most of the time, the feeling of being watched by some unknown
creature makes me want to rip off all my skin so I don’t feel the hairs stand up on the back of my
neck anymore.”

“Last night when I was going to bed, and I saw the same face staring at me in the dark, it
moved. It was subtle, and if I wasn’t paying attention I probably would’ve missed it, but the
entire time this thing has watched me through my life, I’ve never seen it move. Not even once
have I seen it blink, but last night it tilted it’s head to the side and smiled impossibly wider. I laid
awake all night knowing that it was there watching me. It was similar to every other night, but
something made it so much worse knowing that it has the ability to move.”

“The next few nights I wondered what truly kept it from smashing through the window and killing
me. If I ever do sleep I wake up unable to move, almost completely unaware of my
surroundings. Thanks to my sleep paralysis, this has been normal for me since I was a child, but
just like every other time, that ‘thing’ always ends up in the corner of my bedroom. It’s alwaysthere when I get sleep paralysis, but it never moves. Always standing in the same corner.
Smiling at me just like it does when it watches me through my window.’’

Four months later. 11,10,2018.

“Nothing I do seems to make anything better. I put curtains on my windows, and I always keep
them closed, but it makes no difference. I can still see the silhouette of that ‘thing’ outside my
windows at night. Last night I had finally had enough so i went outside with a knife to finally kill
this thing, but as soon as i got outside it was gone. Nowhere in sight. It was no longer lurking
outside my window, but I knew it was still there. I could feel it still staring at me on the back of
my neck.”

“It had taken everything in me not cut all my skin so I couldn’t feel it’s dark, soulless eyes
bearing into me anymore. This same thing seems to be happening almost every night now.
Something in me just snaps, and before I know it I’m trying to kill this thing again. I never tried
getting rid of it when I was a child, always too scared of the smiling creature do anything about
it, but now it’s driving me mad. I barely sleep anymore, and I rip my hair out everytime I feel it
staring at me in the dark.”

“Most times I can’t even leave my house at night, and I can hardly walk in without screaming
because of the monster that watches my every move in the dark. To make things even worse,
it’s started moving more. Sometimes it’ll put it’s clawed hand on the window, as if it were trying
to show me what it would kill me with. At this point i would probably let it kill me though. I’m sick
of all the panic attacks I get when the sun sets, and I know it’ll be there again. Sometimes I
wonder what keeps me from killing myself, and if I think too much about it, about how I can
barely function because of that thing, I almost do.

Two Months Later 09/18/2018

“My brother, Thomas, is visiting this week. I don’t think I’ve seen in at least three years after he
left for collage. Unlike me, he was actually normal. He was, the star child, and it was obvious my
parents loved him more than me. He always got better grades, he did more sports, and he was
the more successful one of us both. He also never had any phobias, or a weird creature
watching him in his window every night since he was a child, so you could say he had an
advantage."

"He never did understand the panic attacks I got, or how I barely got any sleep because of that thing. Just like my parents, he thought I was being dramatic. He probably still thinks I'm insane, so I question why he decided to visit me. He hasn't for three years, so why he decided to now is beyond me."

"He'll probably just think that I've gotten even more insane, based off the fact I tried to kill myself twice in the last month. But, with everything going on, maybe having a bit of company will help, I mean, what could go wrong?"

09/23/2018

"Turns out, a lot of things can go wrong. My brother, Thomas, still tells me I'm insane every day. He started opening all my curtains, but they have to. Stay. Closed. Otherwise I'll see that thing again, and he doesn't understand. He never will."

"Every night he opens the curtain and tries to convince
me that there’s nothing out there, but he doesn’t see it, I do. He tried to make me go out last
night, but i can’t go outside at night. Not with that ‘thing’ so close by; not unless i’m outside to kill
it, but I’ve never been successful at that either. It takes everything in me not to hurt my brother
when he forces me outside, or opens the curtains even though i tell him not too. He doesn’t
listen to anything I say, and it makes me go insane.”

“Luckily for me though, he’ll be gone next week. He said he wanted to visit our parents, and I
can finally go back to the way things normally are; how they have to be, in order for me to live
day-to-day life, but like I said, he'll be gone, very, very soon."