Help me
It's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't
"You're not my sister."
You sat, curled up in a ball against the bathroom wall. The steam from the shower filled the room, making it harder for you to breath as his words played through your head on a continuous loop.
"You're just like him."
Your hands shakily made their way into your hair, clutching until you felt the stinging pain of multiple strands being ripped out.
"Please... just leave me alone."
A sob forced its way out of the back of your throat. Fortunately, the sound of the running water covered it up.
Why did he hate you so much? Your own brother treated you like the very villains you were training to defeat. You didn't miss the subtle glares he gave you from time to time or the tense, dismissive shrugs he gave people when they asked about you.
But why? What did you do to him?
"You just... You look just like him. You are just like him. I can't..."
You were nothing like him. You might share the same powers and gained some of his more distinguishable looks, but you weren't him.
You wanted to be mad at your brother for being so incredibly and undeniably stupid, but you couldn't find it in you to do so. If anything, you blame yourself. There had to have been something you could have done to prevent this whole mess.
But what?
What miracle could you have worked to save your mother from the years of abuse she had to endure? What act of god could you have performed to stop that incident from happening all those years ago? The incident that scarred your brother in more ways than one. The incident that tore your family apart...
You didn't know. You didn't know what you could have done to save your family from the inevitable tragedy that fell upon them.
Your breathing became uneven and choppy. You clutched your hair harder than before, digging your fingernails into your scalp. You felt a wet sensation against your fingers, but ignored it.
You don't know what to do. Your twin brother— the person closest to you, the only person you really have left— hates you. You remind him of the past. The past that was filled with hatred and sorrow. The past that was filled with nothing but bad memories.
He hates you. He hates you so much.
"You are just like him. I can't..."
You couldn't breath. It felt as if you were drowning. No matter how much you gasped and choked for air, nothing would happen. A crushing weight fell upon your chest and you began to hyperventilate.
You felt yourself spiralling into a panic as you sat, back pressed against the cold wall, your thoughts a confusing swirl of endless dismay.
You wanted to make it better. You wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. You wanted your brother back. The brother that used to be your other half. The brother that used to hold your hand at night when you had bad dreams and sit with you until you fell asleep. The brother that used to look out for you and understand that you did the same.
But how? How can you fix what's so horribly broken?
'You can't,' the little voice in the back of your head stated realistically.
'You can't fix it. It's pointless. It's all pointless. What's done is done.'
You couldn't breath. Your brain felt like it was on fire and your chest felt like it was about to collapse. Spots started swimming across your vision and your sight started to tunnel slowly.
You lowered yourself onto your side and curled up into a ball on the hard, tile floor.
You tried to focus on anything other than your toxic thoughts— your breathing, your heartbeat, the sound of the shower pounding on the floor of the tub, anything. But nothing worked. The thoughts kept coming and coming until they consumed you.
Suddenly, the spots that filled your vision spread until it was all you could see.
And then everything went black.
_____________________________
You sat propped up on the ledge beside your bed staring out the window blankly.
After blacking out from the anxiety attack, you woke up to your sister knocking on the bathroom door asking what was taking you so long. From there, you picked yourself up off the ground and got dressed in your nightwear, wetting your hair to make the whole situation look like less than it was.
Looking out the window, you basked in the calmness of the low you were in. Everything was still. Everything was calm. You could think clearly.
Everything will be okay.
Sometimes it scared you how hopeless everything felt when you had attacks like that. It was like nothing would make it better. You would just live in that moment of misery forever, and there was nothing you could do to change it.
Lately you were beginning to give into that feeling more and more.
But it would be okay. You were entering a new stage of your life soon— attending school for the first time with people other than your family. Your brother would be there— he had been going there for the past year after all— but it wasn't just him. You could block him out if worse came to worst. Although you hoped that this might give you an opportunity to get close to him, even just a little. It wasn't likely, but there was still a chance.
But even if that didn't work out, there would still be people there to turn to. People that you can befriend and connect with.
Things will change. It will get better.
It just had to.
YOU ARE READING
Song-Shot Series
FanficA one-shot series that are all based off of songs that I come across. Some are more loosely based than others while some are created around the general theme of the song. Based off of a ton of different fandoms-- changes as my interests change. Hope...
