Unconditionally (Currently Rewritting)

Chapter 17

Jensen, Jensen, Jensen! Everything bwas about Jensen!  I just wanted to get away from things that reminded me of him. The TV had news reports on him. The hotel was a constant reminder he was there. Luna Park was just sitting there laughing at how stupid I was. And Danny was in love with Jensen even if he didn't admit to it.

I had nowhere to go. School was filled with gossiping girls and home was out of the question.

So there I sat on the rattling bus, looking out the graffiti covered window, soaking wet, hoping for a miracle to happen, and hoping that any minute now I'd wake up from this horrible dream. Wishing that Anna and her group of friends had never told me about Jensen Ackles, wishing Rosie had never bailed on me when cleaning his designer room, hoping that Sophie's misadventures were all just a dream, and praying that my parents didn't kick me out.

Leaning my forehead against the dirty bus, I let a lone tear roll down my cheek. The thundering rain was an exact metaphor to how I was feeling -- depressed and unwanted.

Well, Jensen wanted me.

Closing my eyes against the glass pane, I revisited that wonderful kiss. The way his lips moulded to mine,  the feel of his tongue as it stroked the inside of my mouth, how right it felt to have my body pressed against his -- to have him holding me,  to feel him stoke the fires within me.

Sighing, I opened my eyes and tried to forget it ever happened. It may have been wonderful,  it may have been the greatest feeling of my life, but I was sure Jensen didn't want to kiss me again, especially after being slapped. I knew how to screw things up.

Blankly staring at the passing buildings, I didn't realise when the bus came to a stop.

"End of the line,  missy." I heard the driver's gruffly voice call.

I quickly gathered my things and headed to the front of the old bus. With a small smile towards the driver I left the warmth of the bus and stepped into the freezing cold rain. I wrapped my arms around my body to fight off the cold.

The bus drove off leaving me to fend for myself. I glanced around at my surroundings and saw I was at a small train station.  Walking through the non-existant crowds, I found a bench and sank down onto it.

It was hopeless. I was hopeless. I should have just gone back to Danny's. I shouldn't have slapped Jensen.  I closed my eyes at the thought of Jensen again, his kiss flashing through my mind--the sound of my unforgiving slap.

I wiped at my eyes to rid them of the pathetic tears, but to no avail the tears just kept falling. In the end I just rested my head in my hands and cried. I cried about my parents, cried about my life, and cried about Jensen.

I was in love with Jensen and I ruined it.

I stopped crying and frowned into the distance.  I loved Jensen Ackles for him, despite only knowing him under two weeks. I loved the actor with all my heart and I ruined it by slapping him.

"Are you alright, Miss?" I looked up to see an old lady standing nearby, watching me with concern flashing over her wrinkled face.

I watched her, but I didn't really notice her. I loved Jensen. I, with all my heart, was completely and foolishly in love with the great Jensen Ackles: the heart breaker,  the womanizer,  the incredibly beautiful actor.

With a sudden burst of happiness and confidence I stood from the seat, ran to the nearest bus stop and caught the next bus heading back to the hotel; after apologizing to the old lady. I had to tell Jensen how I felt. I had to make him forgive me. I had to make him believe I forgave him.

               *************

I stood outside the hotel in the tumbling rain waiting for something to happen; a sign for me to confess my feelings. My earlier spout of confidence had abandoned me at the very last crucial minute.

I couldn't tell Jensen. I just couldn't bear the thought of him rejecting me.  I couldn't tell him. What if I had dissuaded him? What if I was just a game to him--another girl on his list? What if my slap had actually made him hate me?

The thought of Jensen hating me brought a stabbing pain through my heart. I couldn't bear the thought of Jensen hating me. I couldn't bear the thought of him just using me.

With a few deep breaths I closed my eyes and made up my mind. I was going to tell Jensen how I felt. I had to. And I had to know how he felt.

Was I just going to be another notch on his belt or did he feel something? 

I marched through the hotel lobby, past the surprised new receptionist,  and into the elevator.  I punched in Jensen's floor number and waited for the elevator to snap into action.

"Hold the elevator!" A breathless, husky voice shouted from within the lobby. I irritably pressed the button to keep the door open and waited impatiently for the man. He was ruining my new found confidence. "Thanks for tha--Gabby?"

My heart tumbled in my chest, and dropped to my stomach. I wasn't ready. I was supposed to have at least another five minutes of preparing time. I hadn't even thought of what I was going to say to him.

"Jensen." It came out on a breathless piece of air.

My mind froze and suddenly I forgot why I was in the elevator. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he cautiously edged his way into the elevator, his coloured eyes studying me.

I watched him, unable to speak, unable to do anything but stare. My heart pounded in my chest--the painful punches made it harder to breathe.

My breathing was short and ragged. I couldn't tell Jensen, the man I loved, the most important discovery of my life.  I just couldn't form the words. I couldn't.

"Jensen," I breathed again.

I watched his jaw clench at his name,  at the way I repeated his name, at the ridiculousness of me being here in the elevator.  He didn't feel the same way about me. He wanted me gone. He wanted me out of his life,  out of his sight.

I choked back the sob that threatened to emerge. 

He narrowed his deep sea coloured eyes and opened his mouth to speak. "Gabriella if you're here to give me a piece of your mind about the kiss, don't bother." I opened my mouth to speak--to protest--but he stopped me with a wave of his hand. "It won't happen again. It was a mistake,  a big mistake. I don't know what I was thinking.  You're," he stopped to study me, his expression softening, and then continued, "you and I'm me." He gestured to himself with a wave of his hand. "It would never work, I know that now."

Shocked, hurt and shot down, I watched Jensen in a silent battle. My battle. I was torn between believing him and forgetting about my confession or fighting him and confessing.

Jensen didn't want anything to do with me. The kiss was a mistake.  I'm me, the lowly maid and he's the incredible Jensen Ackles. This wasn't Maid in Manhattan. I wasn't Jennifer Lopez.  This was real life. Jensen didn't want me. He wanted to forget the whole thing happened. 

The former won, and I believed every word he said just as the elevator doors opened and Jensen stepped out. He stepped out of my life,  but not out of my heart.  He disappeared from sight and I was left with the aching feeling of my heart being ripped into thousands of pieces.

Jensen hated me.

-Author's Note-

Hey everybody!

Well, I updated. 

I really hope you liked this short chapter. It was fun to write even if it seems a little depressing. 

Well, Unconditionally is nearing the end. How sad. I really love Gabs and Jensen! I hope they can work everything out.

And I'd just like to thank everyone for reading, voting, and even commenting on this story. I didn't even think I'd get 100 reads and now here I am with over 2,000!

A massive thanks!

Bye-bye for now!