r e f l e c t i o n | 김 남준

One

Look up. We're all gazing at the same sky.

March 12th, 2015

The stars twinkled in uneven beats beside each other. They were few and far between, but the constellations stood out to him. He couldn't not see their outlines. It was often that he saw things that way, and he wondered if others could, too. The cold asphalt beneath him proved uncomfortable as he found himself shifting due to the gravel digging into his back.

His eyes flickered momentarily to the younger boy next to him, whose arm was stretched out under the older's neck. He studied the nasty bruise around his eye for the hundredth time that night. As always, his injuries incited anger in the older. "Taehyung," he ventured.

"Hm?" The hum was deep like his voice in general, but seemed more so since he was tired.

He pointed to the stars. "Do you see that?"

"See what?"

A sigh. He knew Taehyung didn't see it. So he would just have to show him. He scooted closer, leaning his head over to touch the younger's. He took his finger and pointed to one cluster of stars. Slowly, he made his finger trace the design.

"Oh." Taehyung smiled. "Now I see it."

He dropped the kid's hand and stared up in disappointment. "You know, if there wasn't any pollution in the air, we would be able to see every star out there. Even the milky way—if we're lucky."

"Hyung, how do you know so much?"

The innocent question was met with bitter silence by the older. Taehyung must have asked that a thousand times over the years, and every time, he never knew how to answer. "The only thing that I know is that I know nothing," he muttered, quoting Socrates. But he didn't bother saying that. It would only make him seem like he was showing off.

Headlights shining in their eyes made them turn away, shielding their gazes. The older immediately stood and jogged over to the small sedan parked in front of the gas pump. It was probably unprofessional for him to be lying on the ground in the parking lot in front of his work place—but hell, it was one AM and he worked at a gas station.

The window was already rolled down by the time he reached it, revealing a wide-eyed, porcelain-looking woman. She was probably in her forties, though nobody would be able to tell with the amount of plastic surgery and makeup.

"Kim Namjoon, right?" she asked in a rushed manner.

He nodded, no longer fazed by the appearances of these types of customers. "Yeah."

"Word on the street is you have some Yaba. Give it to me." The desperation in her voice was just as he had heard in the voices of many others.

Without a word, Namjoon nodded abruptly and pulled his beanie down before walking into the store and to the back room where there were no cameras. He quickly unzipped his bag and pushed aside his scale and a few pre-bagged powders and leaves to find the stash of pill bottles. He recognized the Yaba by its eerie red color and pulled one out.

These demons were probably his best seller. He shoved it in his pocket and walked back out to the shiny silver car. She had exited the vehicle at this point, her outfit being skimpy and expensive-looking. Her pimp probably offered to buy it for her, not bothering to mention that it was only adding to the debt wracking up against her, he figured.

Namjoon slyly slid the bottle from his pocket to give her a view. Her eyes widened further, if that was even possible, as she grabbed for them. He pulled back immediately. "Three hundred thousand won."

"What?" she sneered. "There's no way it's that expensive!"

"Well, there are forty pills in this bottle at around eight thousand won a piece, so." He shrugged. "You do the math."

The prostitute bit her lip, advancing toward the tall man. "What if you give me the pills, and I give you something in return, big boy?" She ran her fingers seductively down his chest.

He grabbed her wrist harshly, unamused. "It's money or no dice." It wasn't the first time he'd been seduced by a woman for drugs. He learned a while ago that sex was not an adequate alternative for money. The first and only time he'd fallen for it, he'd bugged for days over it, thinking he had contracted an STD.

She furrowed her eyebrows, about to protest, but he cut her off, grip around her wrist tightening. "I know you're not hurting for the money, so just give it up, sweetheart."

Her offended look quickly turned into a smirk. "I guess you've been around the block," she rasped, reaching into her purse for some cash. She pulled out a fat wad and handed it to him without counting it. "That should cover the charges."

Namjoon smiled finally and took the money before letting her go. "Nice doing business with you," he said, handing her the bottle.

She quickly stumbled back to her car and got in before speeding away. Taehyung had watched the whole thing from the gas pump next to that one. He went to stand next to the older male that towered over him and sighed. "How do you resist girls like that trying to come onto you all the time?"

"They'll do anything for drugs," he mumbled, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "It's sad, really." He stuck the cigarette in his mouth before lighting the end of it. "Plus, these broads are crazy."

Taehyung watched her tail lights disappear in the distance as Namjoon blew out smoke in the opposite direction so he didn't breathe it in. "What'd she buy?"

"Yaba."

The younger furrowed his eyebrows. "What's that?"

"A mix of speed and meth."

"What's that?"

Namjoon sighed, taking in another drag. "Speed is an amphetamine and meth is a methamphetamine." Taehyung pursed his lips, wondering if the older would get mad at what he was about to say, but he stared at the younger, seeming to already know what it was. "Tae, I swear to G—"

"What's that?"

A tortured laugh bellowed from the older, making Taehyung do the same. "Drugs. They're drugs." Namjoon chuckled again. "And to think you got me this job."

"My friend did, so technically, I did not."

Dealing drugs was an industry Namjoon never thought he would get into, but tuition was expensive and his gas station gig was not paying the bills on its own. It was a dangerous job, but he wasn't putting anyone but himself in danger, so what was the harm?