Not much changed that summer. We both kept our promises to stay the same. We talked and hung out. It was good, and I wish it hadn't changed.
Eren and I had grown apart in the tenth grade. It was around my fifteenth birthday that I couldn't handle being around him. It was Hell and I didn't want to live in it.
It's not like we meant to grow apart though, I was just too scared. It was kinda the worst birthday present I had gotten, but maybe even the best. It had taken me three years to realize that I was in love with Eren Jaeger. The more days that passed by, the harder it got to even stand near him without wanting to shake him and scream, "Why can't you see this, you idiot! Why can't you realize that I love you! I've given you all the signs and I'm getting tired of waiting for you to come around!"
It was okay though. I was okay. Almost. Today is my fifteenth birthday. I haven't spoken to Eren in four months. He had always tried to, but I just ended up pushing him away. I miss him still, but this is for the best, right.
Right, I reassured myself as I neglected to brush my hair and hop out of the bathroom, still a mess. My appearance had gotten worse since I was thirteen. My physical shape had gotten worse, too. I hadn't been eating too much. Maybe Depression, I'm not sure. My anxiety had driven through to roof and I rarely left the house. Eren and Mikasa had tried to get me out before but I refused and ended up lying about being sick. Well, not exactly lying. Depression and anxiety were illnesses, weren't they?
I waved to Grandfather and waited for the bus. I always sat in the back now with my face buried in a book. Eren and Mikasa took the hint and stayed in the front, but I could tell they were concerned. This year I have one class with Eren. He sits by me everyday but never speaks. He sighs sometimes, or gets angry that I won't communicate with him, or anybody else for that matter. He's confronted me about it, telling me it's not healthy, and that everyone was worried. I told him I'm fine, and he shouldn't worry. He shook his head. He was angry and I knew it.
The bullying had gotten worse. I could report it all I wanted. Nobody cared, and I was okay with it. I was okay with everything.
I jolted out of my trance as a pair of hands pushed me into the aisle of the bus. I didn't budge.
"Finally accepting your fate, Arlert?" A deep voice said.
"You're weak, you're nothing. Don't get up if you know what's good for you."
Whispered another voice.
Don't worry, I thought to myself. I won't get up. I'll never get up again. I don't need to.
The bus came to stop at the school, and I still didn't get up. I still didn't get up as two pairs of hands lifted me up off the ground and carried me off, not even as they took me to the office, not even as my Grandfather took me home. They could tell I wasn't fine after that. Grandfather took me to the doctor's office and I was diagnosed with Depression. I was prescribed Anti-Depression pills and Grandfather had to force them down my throat. I can't stand the pills.
During that time, there wasn't much of a celebration for my birthday. Just a bunch of yelling and self-pity. Grisha had brought Eren and Mikasa over to say 'Happy Birthday, Armin,' with a fake smile. Eren had none of that though.
"Armin, I need to talk to you. Let's go to your room." Eren eyed me intently.
"N..no. I don't want to talk right now."
"Shut up, Armin," Eren growled as he tugged my arm and shoved me in my room, him coming after and slamming the door.
"What the Hell is wrong with you Armin?! I'm sick of this! You can't keep avoiding me! What happened to never changing, always being open and honest?!" Eren spat.
YOU ARE READING
You Mean So Much to Me
FanfictionArmin and Eren have been friends since they were four years old. Life has been anything but sweet for them.