a fire no one can put out ;; komahina drabbles

i. | you know just what they say

No matter any move I make, I just can't get it right.

"What an utterly despairing outcome this has turned out to be," He murmured. "Y'know, I'm starting to get a bit tired now. Mentally. Physically. Would it be alright to fall asleep?"

No response. Like always.

"...Forever?"

Silence.

He sighed.

"Of course...you're too busy now. I mean, not that that's a bad thing. We're all still recovering, slowly but surely. It's absurd."

He kicked his feet absentmindedly, head lolling back.

"Sometimes I miss you. Even more absurd, isn't it? I hated you. I really did." He paused. "I spent so long resenting you I forgot what you even did. Just my luck, huh?"

He let out another sigh. "You and I go hand in hand with being terrified. I wonder how aware you are of that. I must've...given you the illusion I'm emotionally alright. How silly."

He stilled his swinging legs, now turning his gaze downwards. His eyes narrowed.

"...Y'know, I found someone worse than you. You've spent so much time...seeming so happy with her. I found a sort of happiness, too. I found it in someone who reminded me of you. He had your kind of humor. Your interests. But even if he claimed to be you, that couldn't fool me, because it turns out he wasn't who I expected."

A bitter laugh. "Real fun witnessing someone push you aside in search of another fuckbuddy . You were right to lose interest in me, if I'm so replaceable."

He clenched his fists. "It can't be a coincidence he couldn't keep up with me. I have no redeeming traits. I'm so dull compared to the shining stars littered around this world." He was rambling now, voice cracking now and then with some syllables.

"I'm useless! I can't even put on a God damn facade to keep everyone from worrying. I'm too greedy to deserve any care! Even he'd be more worthy of that sort of treatment! I'm lower than low. Scummier than scum."

He looked down at his shaky hands, a crooked grin on his face. "I know my words will never reach you, but I hope you live a good life. I wish for you to find absolute hope. And if I die..."

He went silent. "...If I die, you can go ahead and forget me. I know you'll never...care for me the way I ever did you. Not as much as her — never as much. She's so many things I can only dream to be."

"Sorry is a mere word, but I'll go ahead and say anyway... I apologize to you for all my ugly greed."

But you know just what they say: out of sight, out of mind.