riyamcyriac | OF SUNS AND SPIRITS | CelticWarriorQueen17

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Author: riyamcyriac

Author: riyamcyriac

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Blurb:

Every century, the competition of a lifetime begins: The Blood Battles.

Each Realm is eager to push their very best into the front lines of the inter-dimensional fight to the death. Each hopes to receive the power to control the currents of travel, commerce, and legislature between the three Soul Realms: The Earth, The Spirit, and The Dark.

Meet Varona, Akuru, and Kardith, three ferocious competitors fighting for their spot in the battles. Varona, a ruthless street fighter with a fatal power, is ready to break free of the poverty cycle. Kardith, an ex-soldier plagued by his dark past, is looking to fight his way to salvation. Akuru, a famed performer with a serious drug problem, wants to find purpose in his dull life. All have different intentions, stakes, strategies, and dreams, but the end goal is victory.

Let the Blood Battles commence.



Review:

Title: 

The title is good, short and simple, and stands out. However, it doesn't exactly spark my interest per se. It's rather vague and doesn't give any hint to what the story is really about. It's good for a title, but it could be even better. 


Cover: 

Nice cover! My only critique is that the font title is smaller and maybe with more than just one type of color and more types of fonts on your cover. The image is great, but the fonts, while easy to read, are rather boring. 


Blurb: 

Fantastic blurb! No, really, it caught me off guard. It's difficult to find good blurbs--especially on Wattpad, so yours was surprisingly good. My only critique is that the last line feels a bit lame and not as mysterious and gripping as it should be for me to open up your story. Try experimenting with it a little bit. Otherwise, great work! 


Prologue: 

Great job with this beginning! It was fascinating to read and the title of your book now makes sense. :D I really enjoyed seeing a snippet of your world in this prologue and getting to know one of your characters. My critiques are mostly grammar. Sometimes you have sections where phrases were missing, as if in revising you forgot to copy-paste some sentences which made it awkward to read. And there were a couple typos, but nothing serious. I believe I commented on most of them. Other than that, fantastic work with this beginning.


Chapter 1:

Good job with this first chapter. The setting, world-building, and character-building thus far has been very well-done, though I still think there is a bit too much mystery going on. Obviously, no one wants to be told all the details up front, and while there's definitely interest for me to read further, I do think some things should be explained further. For instance, why Varona is fighting for her life. I think even just a brief explanation, not the full reason why, would help the reader be more at ease to insert themselves into your world. The twist at the end was very unexpected--totally did not see that coming. I'm curious to see how Varona is going to respond to that and how it will affect her. Great work overall; I just would like to see more details explained in this first chapter. :) 


Chapter 2: 

This second chapter was exciting to read with all the events going on in it. The sudden shifts in characters in these past few chapters has been confusing to follow because it's so abrupt, but maybe it gets smoother once further into the story. I am rather curious about Kardith. Does he want to take part in the Blood Battles or is the choice being forced on him? Has he always wanted to or is it a recent thing? The introduction of him sneaking in his wife and daughter to watch them caught me off guard, hence my questions. I hope these do get answered further in the story, though I would like--as with the previous chapter--to see more details about these characters shown so that they stick better in the reader's mind. 


Overall:

This story was a lot better than I expected. You have done excellent work in setting up your story and characters; the plot is well established and it's easy for the reader to follow along. I do think that the world-building and characters do need more development in the beginning chapters so that they are defined clearly in the reader's mind, especially since you are shifting POV's in a sense. Also, watch out for the grammar; there were a few sections where punctuation was missing or a verb was a wrong tense. Nothing serious, but just leaving that note. As a whole, I enjoyed reviewing this piece and I wish you all the best with your writing! You definitely have a gift!

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