B I P O L A R : j.jk

THIS?

C H A P. f i v e

I hate how you give me wrong signals.

I thought maybe "oh he doesn't want to let people at school know that he's friends with a loser like me"-

to be honest, I was able to live with that.

but then again during school projects where seniors and sophomores tend to encounter, you'd talk to me as if chatting at school for more than 10 seconds was a regular for us.

so I admit, I tried not hating you again, wishing that at least this time you could at least day hi.

but you didn't.

and i'm back at square one.

ugH

why is it so hard to understand you?

during meet ups with the other kids or dinners with the parks we'd be peanut butter and jelly.

but at school in the halls or when we'd meet in the cafeteria we'd be me and the gym.
avoiding eachother at all costs.

I don't get it.

who? what? when? how? where?

and most importantly,

wHy???

thus leading me to have a love-hate relationship with you which you were totally oblivious to, tending to either hate or love you more depending on the scenario.

for example:

I'd hate you more when you would just stare at me while I smile and wave at you like those stupid penguins from that penguins of madagascar movie.

and I'd fall completely head over heels for you whenever I'd see you at the bus stop I always pass by while walking home.

and we'd talk, and you'd crack a joke, then I'd laugh and you'd ask me something and I'd answer then you'd laugh and that cycle continued until your bus arrived.

and then,

you'd hug me.

as in legitimately well built, muscled arms and biceps around my shooketh body, hug.

honestly you don't know how much that gesture frickle frackled me up.

and it was worse as you began doing it more.

like at meet ups, dinner parties- but guess what?

yea, not at school.

and i'm not trying to show off to others that "oMg jeoN juNgkooK iS hugGing mE" but I wanted to at least have the confirmation that you're not afraid to be friends with me.

and that you're able to be friends with me, however, whenever and wherever.

but we're far from that goal, huh?

sucks.

and I guess we'll always be drifting further away from it.

since today was the dreadful day-

you're graduating.

just the thought of it made my stomach feel ill.

I smile bittersweetly as the imagination of you in a robe, collecting your diploma while you show off your bunny smile- the one I love so dearly- crossed my mind.

I am so happy for you, jungkook.

I remember when you felt so so worried about graduating that we texted until 3:41am just so I could calm you down.