Solicitude

Chapter Nine

Sexual Content (PG-13)

Kathleen Bellisima's Point of View

I wouldn't lie that my heart is beating out of my chest. Yes, I just submitted myself to him. I gave him access to my body. He can do whatever he wishes as he pleases.

Why did I do that? I have no idea. The time and moment just felt right. I promised myself that I would try and if I don't like it then I'm probably running for the hills.

Alexander seemed fazed. To say that he was surprised was a big understatement. Had he not expected me to say that? Because I didn't either.

I sat on his bed while he walked over his chest of drawers. He's probably picking up everything he needs and a part of me is terrified. I'm already half guessing that he's not only a dominant but also a sadist.

Everyone has their own secrets to tell. My secret? Well, I think that I just took this way too far. I've truthfully told Alexander everything about my past but I left one detail.

I may have told him that I dated someone I met since I was in first grade but I never told him that he and I had sex with each other.

Basically right now, I'm entering the world of BDSM as a virgin. Great, right? "Kathleen, are you already into BDSM?" He asked. We were just thinking the same damn thing.

"N-no," I stuttered. I'm definitely nervous. Of course, he would know if I was into this, isn't he a well-known club owner of it?

He placed some unfamiliar things on the bedside table and sat next to me. "How did you know that I'm a dominant?"

Is it safe to answer that Christina has told me? Didn't she sign an NDA or something? Well, I trust Xander so it probably won't hurt to tell him the truth.

"You know Christina, right?" Then his expression changed. He chuckled and realized it afterward.

He cupped my cheeks, making me look directly into his eyes. Those oceanic blue eyes piercing to my soul. "Is there anything you're not comfortable with?"

Should I tell him? Yes. No. Yes! Here goes nothing. "I'm a virgin." I tried to say it as calmly as possible but I failed.

My words came as a surprise and stood up from the bed. Was it a wrong move? Absolutely. Now, he acts as if he doesn't want to touch me at all. I know, I know, I'm stupid to think that he would still do it with me.

All I wanted was to try it. Things between Xander and I have never been greater and if we're developing our relationship into something else, I should at least be open to his own lifestyle, right?

He looked at me and his lust-filled eyes were now filled with concern. "Why didn't you tell me?" Well, you don't randomly tell someone you're dating stuff like that. I shouldn't have said it.

"Because I knew you wouldn't want to touch me anymore if I said so," my emotions were turned to sadness. A few minutes ago, excitement filled the room and now I feel like he just wants me out.

"Oh, Kathleen, you have no idea how much I want you," he whispered into my ear, sending shivers across my spine. His tone was seductive again.