One Way

01 | one month before

One month before...

        My mother, who was unsure of what she should have done with her life, always told me that no matter what I did, I would have to be a strong, independent, woman. 

        But, turns out that however much independence I wanted, the boy that I would soon begin to love would strip away anything worthwhile I had. But of course, everything you took away happened after we met. 

____

        You knew everyone was talking about you. I knew college wasn't high school, but there was always a "big man on campus", and although you weren't the most athletic, or the smartest, you radiated that type of persona―the type of persona which was like a black hole. Once you were in, you couldn't come out.

        The professor called on you and you answered the question correctly. It was harder than usual, and once you spewed the equation, the professor―the one professor who rarely gave compliments―congratulated you and said that you were "going to be a real success".

        After class, I did a little bit of light stalking. I saw you meet up with a friend. You laughed. Then, you did the worst thing. Your friend pulled out a gun. It was long and silver. Cold as steel from where I was. It was terrifying

        I immediately ran away. I ran so far and I didn't want to come back.

        When I came back to the dorm room, my roommate Tia, was drinking beer with a hot dog in her mouth. I was breathing heavily and my eyes were wild. I ran into the bathroom and slammed my fist into the mirror so it cracked in half.

        Tia ran into the room. "Yo, yo, what happened here?"

        I don't know what happened, but I couldn't face Tia anymore, especially since I saw the gun. I debated reporting it to the campus police. Ever since my father was viciously shot by a street gang, the memory of gangs leaves a horrible memory.

        So I ran, even though I was tired. I ran so far that once I stopped, I couldn't recognize the neighborhood. All that could be seen was a string of houses, each with an enormous party in each of them. Talk about neighborhood noise.

        Deciding that I couldn't live in my personal hell anymore, I entered a party, thinking that if I sip on some alcohol, it would help me get an "out of body" experience. I know it sounded silly, and that silliness cost everything, but I made a choice.

        I went to the nearest house. Stealing a cup of whatever from the nearest person and downed it like a beast. Then there was another cup. And soon, I drank the whole punch bowl and started drinking the keg. I was so drunk that I didn't know that you were the one feeding me that poison.

        I'm not poetic. For god's sake, I was a physics major, but the first thing I saw was your eyes. Your sweet, innocent, baby browns. Then, as I went a bit further, your eyes became hard. Your eyes weren't inviting, but somehow, they were always fixated on me.

        And then, somehow, I recovered consciousness for a moment and I realized that it was you who had the gun, so I backed away. But your eyes... your eyes never left mine. It was unnerving.

        Soon, you caught up to me. I was scared out of my mind, but I didn't know what was happening. I didn't have control of my mind. That out of body experience I was talking about―it came true. Do something, I urged myself, but nothing happened. In the morning... in the morning...

        "Hey there beautiful," you said.

        "Stay away from me," I had wanted to say. What I actually said was more like, "Gett wayy youuu!", a montage of slurs and anxious feelings. Then, there were those eyes of yours. They never left mine, and I knew that at the end of the night, I knew you were dangerous.

        But, my foolish self-believed you in all your self-glory. You managed to help me forget about the gun and your friend. You managed to steal my heart and brain, and when it happened, I didn't even know it occurred until it did.

        You, you really stole me away, didn't you?