Just Smile, Stupid

Chapter 1

A pill to make you numb.

A pill to make you dumb.

A pill to make you anybody else.

But all the drugs in this world,

Won’t save her from herself.

Chapter 1

For some people, happiness is an illusion. They think they've found it, they stretch their arms towards it, but it slips away from their fingers like sand. If you ask these people what their happiest memory is, they'd be completely blank. For them, happiness is simply a word. Some people are just unlucky.

Her mother knew just what to say to her to hurt her feelings. After fifteen years, a mother should know what to say to make her daughter tick. And that's exactly what her mother did - say three simple words that would completely break her daughter's heart. 

"YOU ARE WORTHLESS," her mother screamed. "You are the most irresponsible and careless girl! You will never amount to anything in life! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS."

That's what did it. Those three simple words replayed over and over in her head. You. Are. Worthless. 

Sobs wracked her body, tears fell down her cheeks like torrents as she slid to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest, leaning on the wall. She hiccuped. Breathing was becoming difficult. Already a headache was developing from crying so much. Her chest ached. She couldn't take it anymore. How could she stop from hurting inside so much?

You are worthless. 

Her own mother said that. If a daughter is worthless to her mother...then...what's the point of living anymore?

She quieted down and listened for any footsteps outside. When she was sure there weren't any, she got up and tip-toed outside her room to the kitchen. Her eyes searched for it - and there it was - a knife made of shiny, stainless steel. 

She took it and went to her room again, making sure to lock the door behind her. She slid to the floor again and positioned it at her left hand, watching the light glint off the blade. At first she lightly traced her veins with it, but then she moved it above her wrist. She was too much of a coward to commit suicide. She didn't want to die now. She just wanted to distract herself from the pain inside. 

She moved the knife across her palm. It made a small scratch, but couldn't cut any deeper. The knife was too blunt. 

She almost laughed. Maybe God wanted her to suffer more. All she wanted was to focus on the physical pain instead of the emotional, but there was nothing sharp in the house. Just her luck. 

She considered pain-killers. Perhaps five or six pills would be enough to render her unconscious. She was just about to get them when her eyes fell on a red pen on her table. 

Smiling wryly, she took the pen and started scribbling on her arm. 

W.O.R.T.H.L.E.S.S

She wrote it across her arm several times in big red letters. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.

Perhaps I should get a tattoo that spells ''worthless”, she thought, admiring her handiwork. 

Someone knocked at her door. She hurriedly stood up and dashed to the bathroom. She watched the red ink slowly dissolve away with the water as she washed her arm. There was a slight redness, but she didn't want to completely wash it away.