{5}: Judging..

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Bullied by the bad boy
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SUMMER'S POV

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You have no responsibilities toward pleasing anyone. You have no responsibility to meet anyone else's expectations of you. There is no valid reason, in the entirety of Existence, that you should not be the true, genuine, authentic You.

If you fear the judgment of a particular group or type of people when it comes to being more of your Authentic Self in thought, word, and deed, and walking your path of highest excitement, then you are literally keeping those people and their judgments in your reality. Why? Because they are a reflection of your own lack of confidence that you are worthy of being your Authentic Self and of walking your path of highest bliss.

people do this every day to me and gets really tiring but they won't stop till they accomplish something, Then,
especially if you act on your authenticity in this way, those very people simply won't appear to you anymore (or they will appear to have changed, as well, for the better), and their judgments won't reach your consciousness any longer. If they do, they are simply echoes—tests to see if you are grounded in your self-worth... the worthiness to be your own true Self.

but for me its different I can't ground my self-worth I'm just not type of person who does that I will never Judge a book by its cover never have and never will do it, I'm that type of person who loves all till you start to bully me or do other things you are not suppose to do then i will just hate you for life.

Not getting up for school my body hurts like hell but that won't stop me from watching me some movies pulling out my laptop feeling like shit I can't even type my fingers feel like jelly, hearing two pairs of footsteps coming up the stairs.

"summer get up its time for school," my dad said looking at my aching body with no pity in his eyes wonder where that went?.

"no," I said bluntly.

"yes summer we have to work and you can't miss school again," my mom said glaring at me people tend to do that to me a lot lately.

"when I said no I meant it I'm not going to that fucked up school" I rolled over to my side avoiding their glares.

"summer fucking write get up now" my dad charging at me I threw my lamp at him getting mad that they don't care about my body aching and shit.

"get the fuck away" I spat in his face looking gobsmacked at what I did.

"don't give me that face dad I don't give a shit what you do just leave my room".

"Charlie were going to be late for that meeting come on" my mom dragging gobsmacked charlie out my door slamming it behind them.

the things people do to me are just stupid, dumb, unacceptable you name it life is fucked up for me i hate living in this cruel world with no one likes me i have no friends, no parents i hated my thoughts getting stupid idea, i got up looking for some pills finding them under my bed opening the bottle pouring a mouth full in my mouth its not like anyway would miss me feeling sleepy laying on my bed putting on a smile but one of the fake ones.

i haven't had one of those real smiles since i got bully why did carter fuck up my life if he didn't bully me i would of been had friends but does that happen? no, it doesn't it all fell apart maybe just maybe if i didn't meet him at that park my life would of been better?.

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I tried lifting my hand but couldn't opening my eyes tears slipped out feeling like shit again i didn't even accomplish killing my self, people always judge me with their eyes one look at me and they don't like me i'm tired of being the nobody, loser, ugly, fat, nerd, loner, i hated it all why can't they just accept for who i am bullying is not okay not ever so why do they do it.

getting up slowly trudging over to my door walking down stairs into the kitchen pulling out some food haven't had normal food in a minute making me something barley can even move right now, i haven't even looked in a mirror while eating the door unlocks "i already know who that is" .

"oh my god summer you look pale," my mom said i chuckled dryly.

"oh didn't notice".

"summer please tell us what's wrong we want to help you," my dad says looking at me with concern, never seen that one before!.

" you have never cared or helped with anything so why? now" by now i had tears in my eyes standing up.

"i- uh- because were your parents," my mom said not looking me in the eye.

"see look my in the damn eye and tell me do you love me".

"okay, that's enough summer" my dad getting upset.

"wow my own parents don't love me that's sad" i ran past them running up the stairs into my room going in my bathroom looking at myself in the mirror, i looked horrible my skin was dry and pale my eyes was watery with tears my hair was a rats nest it's time for a shower grabbing some clothes stripping from my old ones getting in turning on the shower water relaxing scrubbing every inch of my body with body wash thinking about the past brings tears to my eyes.

flashback

Younger me playing with my toys getting bored wanting to play with daddy.

"daddy can we play pirates".

"no go away i'm busy".

" bu-but your always busy daddy".

"i don't care at least you have food clothes and a roof over you're head now bye".

younger me running away with tears in my eyes.

"i just wanted to play," younger me says sniffling.

end of flashback

i got out wrapping a towel around my body drying off putting on my bra and panties with pajamas slipping in my bed checking my phone for the time seeing 9:45 pm, i slept that long? putting my phone back down sighing hearing hush tones talking across the hall.

"charlie what happened to our little happy girl" i scoffed I never get attention from my parents

"honey i don't know i don't think we've been good parents," my dad said with pity in his voice.

" you think dumbass," i said hoping they would hear me.

the hushed tones stop talking i rolled over to my side feeling miserable today was shitty a day but just a little hope from god i have a good day tomorrow without the judging eyes on me just one day i might not wake up but who knows everything happens for a reason.

all the thoughts had washed away once i closed my eyes for a dreamless dream.

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