My anxiety takes hold of my mind making me think things aren't fine even though I know it'll all be alright.
My anxiety makes me walk back to my room after I've already walked out my house worried that I look like crap and everyone will talk about it avoiding to look in my eyes.
My anxiety keep me up at night relieving every
details of my day of how I messed up, why did you say hey, why did you smile that way , look at the way you wave, why are you so weird.
My anxiety makes me second guess myself because I don't want to sound stupid but then makes me worry because not talking will make people think I'm stupid.
It tells me to go out with my friends so they don't think something is wrong but when I get there I can only think of everything wrong with my life.
What's wrong? They ask me why are you so quiet you're never quiet? I reply nothing because how do I explain that I am quiet but when I talk, I talk to be louder than the voice inside my head telling me for the up-tenth time that my hair makes people stare, that I need to make myself small but how can I be small when i keep shoving food down my face.
Look at the way they're looking at you, disgust at how you eat, close your mouth dammit. Don't give them something to go home and gossip about.
My anxiety wakes me up in the middle of the night to ponder over the decision that I made when I was five. Wondering why.
It keeps me up to remind me of the way every one I love could die.
to tell me all my flaws and casually remind me that everyone who look in my eyes will notice them.
It tells me to make myself unnoticeable but at the same time participate because you don't wanna be the loser in your room when everyone else are engaged and have shit to do.
Do you love me I asked my boyfriend for the thousand time.
Yes I love you he replied. I know you love me and you show me in different ways you care for me but every time you say you love me,my anxiety show me the reasons why you should hate me.
Every time I ask do you love me it's because I'm panicking thinking I didn't text him soon enough does that make him hate me.
Anxiety gives me panic attacks over the stupidest things.
Panic attacks even though I know I'm safe and no one can hurt me.
It starts as a tiny well and grows and grows until I'm dying drowning calling out for help but no one hear me because I pushed them all away because my anxiety told me they were all fake and they didn't want to be with me.
My anxiety consumes me at this point it's no longer a part of me it is me.
It becomes my identity it is who I am.
Hi nice to meet you I am anxiety .
