love me deadly

chapter 36: the truth

Im trying to upload faster J

Sitting in the car with Jake on the way home was the most akward 15 minutes of my life. Not only did I make a fool out of him and myself in front of his friend, I also look like a monster from a terror movie.

My hair was sticking to my cheek from the dried on tears and I had blown my nose a million times but its still running. My hair is a knotted up chaos on top of my head and my cheeks are probably rosy red.

We pulled up into the drive way and Jake cut the engine. We sat there in silence for a few minutes before anyone said anything.

“Heather, do you really think I hate you.” Jake said with a stone face.

My heart started to thump once he said my name.  I cleared my hoarse throat and thought about my answer before I said it. He was patient not moving.

“You don’t act any other way but hateful towards me, so I can only assume.” I shrugged my shoulders and looked out the window.

He took a long sigh and put his hands on his face.

“Heather, Its not that I don’t want to like you, I just cant.” He mumbled through his hands.

I turned to him monster face and all. “Why not? Its not like I’ll be like Amber.”

“Im not saying that.” He lifted his head and lit a cigarette.

“You smoke?” I widened my eyes.

“Sometimes, why did you want one?” He looked at me and my heart did a flutter but then I realized I looked like poo and I covered my face.

“No not at the moment.” I mumbled under my hands.

“What are you doing?” He was giving me a look like I was crazy.

“Im ugly right now, I don’t want you to see.” I turned around toward the window free from his view.

“Heather, I don’t care how you look, you just got done crying.” He shook his head.

“I don’t care, anyway don’t change the subject.” I crossed my arms.

“Im not.” He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“Then answer, why cant you like me?” I held my breath wondering if I wanted to know the answer. Would he say that im not his type? Or that I would be embarrasing to claim?

“I just can’t” He growled.

“Why!?” I yelled and threw up my hands.

“Because Heather, just because. Why cant you leave it alone!” He yelled and I cringed a bit.

“Because its not fair! I deserve to be treated nice, I don’t care who you are! Or if your royalty. So damit your gonna tell me why you cant (used air quotes) like me!” I was halfway in his face the closest I came to him willingly in awhile.

He stared into my eyes and my body started to relax. He put a hand to my face and rubbed my ear with his thumb. I leaned my head into it and closed my eyes.

“This is the reason I cant, because when you start to really like somebody, you can start to love them, and then you could loose them. A pain I don’t want to endure or cause anyone else again.” He let go of my face and I opened my eyes.

Something terrible had of happened to him by the emotions I felt from him. Sorrow. Regret. Hoping. Denial. Anger.  I didn’t push any farther because this was more than I was expecting to get from him anyway.