I Found Him On My Doorstep <3

I don't want that to happen

What did she just say? My heart started racing and I looked at Cody. I’m pretty sure that my expression matched his. Was he going to do it? Did I want him to do it? All of that time I spent daydreaming about kissing Cody and now when it finally comes the time for it to happen and I’m not sure that I want it too. Our friendship is too valuable to ruin it over teenage hormones.

“Okay…Are you okay with that Toni?” He asked. He had wiped his face of any upset emotion but I could see it in his eyes. He felt the same way I did. We had to do it though, we couldn’t show Alli that we did have feelings for each other. I would make it awkward between us. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be hanging around with someone who’s crushin’ on her brother. Was I ‘crushin’ on Cody? No ‘crushin’ is too much of a casual word.

“Yeah sure, why wouldn’t I be…?” I tried to keep my voice steady but I don’t think that I managed to do it. I sat up on the bed and crossed my legs to face his side with my back to Alli who had to move too so that she could see. I’m so nervous what if I’m a bad kisser. What if I don’t do it right. What if…

“Well? What are you waiting for?” Alli asked now in a hyper mood knowing that she got to make people squirm.

I looked at Cody and we leaned in. My heart was pounding in my ears and my palms were sweaty. Is this really happening? Our lips were almost touching. What would this do to our relationship? We would become really awkward. He won’t want to be around me because it’s so awkward. He won’t want to sleep beside me anymore and we just won’t be the same. There was almost nothing between our lips.

“No I can’t do it” I rushed and bolted for the door. I can’t kiss Cody. I want to keep him the way he is and I don’t want to ruin it because of some stupid dare. I just couldn’t do that. I quickly told my mum that I was going to the shop to get stuff for tonight and left through the backdoor. I got on my bike a rode to a decent shop which was almost a mile away. The feeling of the wind in my hair and in my face calmed me down. Once in the shop I picked out the stuff that Cody and I always ate. I got two of everything though because I didn’t know what Alli liked and if she didn’t eat something then either Cody or I would eat it.

“Are you okay dear?” I heard and unfamiliar voice ask me. She was the woman that stopped me and Cody outside M Donald’s the very first night that we meet.

“Uhh…Yeah I’m fine why?” I asked confused. Do I really look upset?

“Well honey you’re crying.” She stated. I hadn’t realised until she told me. I wiped my tears and laughed at myself for being so stupid.

“I’m sorry” I whispered.

“Sweetheart you’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” She soothed me and rubbed my arm up and down. “What is it anyway? Was it that boy?”

“I guess you could say yes but not for the reasons that you think” I sighed. She gave me a hug which calmed me down even more. “Thank you. This made me feel better.” It didn’t really but I just wanted to get beck home although I do like the way she tried to help me. When most people see someone crying they don’t get involved.

“You’re Welcome dear. Don’t let any boy make you cry okay?” she smiled at me making me smile too.

“Okay” I said and she went up to pay for her items. “Bye bye”

“Goodbye sweetheart” she waved.

I walked out if the shop, unchained my bike and out my plastic bag full of stuff over one of the handle bars and rode home. I composed myself, I didn’t want to walk into the house with my face all blotchy and my eyes all puffy. That would raise quite a few questions by my mum. I got in the house to find Cody and Alli where I left them. I sat back down on the bed with the plastic bag in my hand and emptied everything out in front of us as we sat in a circle around it all with crossed legs.

“I didn’t know what you liked so…yeah” I directed at Alli.

“Oh don’t you worry I’ll eat anything” she smiled at it all. There seemed to be no awkwardness between me and her. She gave me a smile to say that she understood. I looked over at Cody as Alli began digging into the pile of junk on the bed. He was already looking at me. He looked disappointed but once he saw me look at him smiled and changed his features completely. He stayed quiet the whole night while me and Alli talked and ate and watched a movie. He only spoke a few times trying to make it look like he was in the room with us but he wasn’t.

I had to talk to Cody but I would have to wait until Alli went to sleep and since I feed her all of that food I would say that it’ll be a while before she gets tired. She finally fell asleep in the middle of my bed. I didn’t want to wake her up so I motioned for Cody to follow me. We both got up slowly from the bed and tiptoed out of my room and sat in the living room with the Tv on so that no one could here us talk because sometimes my mum would stay up at night to read a book.

We sat down on the sofa face to face. I sat with my knees up to my chin and he sat with his legs stretched out at either side of me. I think this is our little thing. If we are ever together and it’s possible to sit like this then we always do. I think that in a way it’s almost as if he is protecting me but then again it’s maybe just a habit.

“So? What was that all about?” Cody asked my with his eyes laid on his lap and his fingers fidgeting with his bracelets.

“I don’t know to be honest” I said truthfully. It took me a moment to answer.

“So that’s it. I try to kiss you and you run out the door and don’t return for about an hour and you don’t know why…” he said. I could tell that he was really frustrated.

“I’m sorry. Okay?” I sighed. “I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t want us to ruin what we have here Cody, especially over some stupid dare. And don’t even pretend that you were okay with it all. I could see that inside you felt the same way I did.”

He was quiet, processing what I said.

“I guess you’re right. I don’t want us to get into a relationship because we are so young. We are bound to break up at some point and now that I have you in my life I don’t want to let you go.” He rushed.

“Do you know what? Let’s just forget about it. It’ll be easier that way.” He agreed. “I’m drained. It;s your fault.” I teased. “Look how much drama you’ve brought into my life.”

“Shut up. Your life would be so boring and normal if I wasn’t here” he grabbed my hand and we went back to my room to find Alli had sprawled all over my bed. There was no way that anyone else was getting any sleep in there tonight so I pulled Cody’s bed out and we both lay down on it with our arms around each other as we both barely fit into it. If I let go of him I’d probably land on the floor.

“Night Cody, Love you” I said. Not realising what came out of my mouth.

“Uhhh…Love you too.” He replied clearly taken back by the fact that I’d said it first this time and probably not for the last time.