Unfixable

The Diagnosis

A/n first part, hope you enjoy it :)

I keep rubbing on my wedding ring, nervously. It is like I am hoping for a genie to appear to make the problems go away. Ever since Lucy was born things haven’t been the same between me and Benedict. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lucy to bits and I could never imagine a day without her. Ben being away all the time probably doesn’t help, I understand that Ben’s job is incredibly important to him but surely his family are more important. I mean right now he is meant to be here, supporting me to find out the news about his daughter but he is late…he probably won’t turn up but I don’t want to do this without him.

Two years ago I had Lucy, time has flown quickly but things started to go wrong. She never learned to walk and has trouble moving from place to place. Ben and I have been blind to this because we wanted to convince ourselves that it is normal because we are naïve, she is my only child. Amanda came around a couple of weeks ago and commented about how it is unusual for a child of my age to be this immobile. At that point I decided to take Lucy to the doctors, just the local GP nothing fancy. After Ben got back from work he was a bit angry that I didn’t talk to him about this but he was busy with filming what could I do?! Lucy was referred to the local children’s hospital. She had scans, tests and examinations, she is only two years old. I am very proud of her for being so good.

Now I am sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting for Ben. I phoned Ben’s parents and asked if they would look after Lucy; it feels like forever since I saw her adorable face. It is difficult having a job and being close to my daughter, because I am now CEO of Stars In Her Eyes Magazine Company which is good. But I manage; if only Ben could…I wish he was here.

Door Slams Open

Talking of which, “Sorry I am late, filming overran.” I role my eyes at his entrance and he sits beside me. He tries to grab my hand for reassurance but I just push it away. I am so annoyed at him right now I could scream! Now is not the time though…

“Mr and Mrs Cumberbatch.” The doctor begins; the serious tone to his voice scares me a little. But she is a professional. “My name is Doctor Marsh, I have been diagnosing your daughter.” I shake her hand and so does Ben. She has to supress a smile when Ben shakes her hand. Obviously a fan. “Your daughter has Duchenne muscular dystrophy. It is the most common but the most severe type of muscular dystrophy.” No this cannot be happening. “But Miss Cumberbatch has an unusual case of it.”

“Lucy. Please. Call her Lucy.” I state, Miss Cumberbatch sounds way too formal for a two year-old. She nods, I shouldn’t be worrying about what she calls her but what is wrong with my child, my baby. “Unusual how?” I have got to act calm.

“Well most symptoms begin at the age of five and they are mild compare to this. So your daughter is very advanced on the scale. This won’t affect her mental abilities but will affect her physical abilities. In Lucy’s case, from her scans we can tell this has mainly affected her lower body. This means her hips and legs and feet.” I wish I understood what this all means but I am not a medical expert so I do not.

“Will she need a wheelchair?” Ben asks, I almost forgot he is here. He has been so quiet.

“Yes she will. I am sorry, this must be so hard for you.” I nod, I don’t know what to say. “I am not an expert in this field so I will go and find the doctor who will be treating Lucy in the future.” She smiles reassuringly but I cannot smile back. She leaves, shutting the door quietly which contrasts Ben’s entrance. He takes my hand and squeezes it tight, I look at him he smiles but I can see that he is falling apart inside. The door opens again and I release my hand from Ben which makes him frown but that doesn’t matter right now.

“Hello there, my name is Doctor Fletcher and I will be treating your daughter. I promise you that we are going to do our best to make Lucy comfortable.” This sounds bad, really bad. Will she be okay?! “Most children who have this type of muscular dystrophy need a wheelchair by the age of twelve but your child is very advanced. In my opinion, she is going to need a wheelchair as soon as she is too big for you to carry.” I feel like my heart has shattered into a million pieces. “Your daughter will never be able to walk and will need to be helped a lot. Full time care.” He looks up from the file straight at both of us before flicking a page. “I know you both have very demanding jobs but your daughter needs care.” There is no way Ben is going to give up acting, ever.

“I can work from home or sell off the business…I don’t know but I will look after her.” Ben and the doctor both smile at my maternal ways.

“Lastly, I know that you both are going to frantically be searching on the internet later about her illness-” Illness…that just really kicks you up the butt. “-don’t believe everything you read because there are lots of variations. But I do have to tell you something that you won’t want to hear.” I can see Ben tense up out of the corner of my eye. “Having Duchenne muscular dystrophy gives you a limited life expectancy.” I am speechless, don’t know what to say. I was not prepared for this.

Ben runs his fingers through his hair. “How long?” He asks, wow that was blunt.

“On average the life span is twenty years but…” He trails.

“But, my daughter has an advanced type so that must mean she has less time!” Ben outbursts, I don’t think he is angry at the doctor but himself. It is not his fault, it is not anyone’s fault…wait or is it?

“Yes, that is true, but there is no way of knowing how long. Just look after her. I am sorry, any questions?” The doctor enquires, Ben shakes his head fuming.

“Yes actually.” I begin but then have to swallow the lump in my throat, a sniffle escapes me. “If we came to you sooner, could this have been prevented in anyway?” If he says yes then I might just break.

“No, don’t blame yourselves, this is no-one’s fault.” I nod before standing up to leave.

\~.~.~.~.~/

The car journey back was silent, apart from the odd whimper that escaped me. I got back into the house and relieved Tim and Wanda of their duties to look after Lucy and after they left I broke down, I couldn’t prevent the tears any longer. Ben grabs me tight and pulls me into a hug, “It will be okay love.” He states but I don’t think he means it. This is when it hits me. Lucy is the glue in mine and Ben’s relationship. Without her then…

A/n Thoughts?

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