vents/rants

project

in january 2017, my english class had to do a project and pick a social justice (e.x. domestic violence, drug abuse, teen pregenancy) topic so i chose mental health. we were told to do a plan of action (e.x. start a donation, make a video, hand out informational brochures) and my plan of action was to make a video explaing mental illness. then we were told we had to be grouped up, be in groups with people that have the same topics or topics that go along with mine. i was irritated that we had to be put in groups because i am independent and like doing stuff by myself but i obliged to the groups. thankfully, two of my friends were in my group because there topics were both suicide. this project became very stressful with the writing the essay (which i never wrote) and then having to work on the plan of action. i still wanted to do the video but i knew very well how difficult it would be now with having 2 other people. i told them to start writing their part of the video speech during spring break which was a week (they also had the week before spring break to work on it), they promised they would share with me the google doc when they had started the speech, all throughout the break, i checked google docs everyday just to see if atleast one of them had shared with me anything. i got nothing. with one of the partners, we'll name her Micky, she was v active on snapchat, i had texted her saying i that i mad at her and i explained why and she got all pissy with ME, because i called her irrisponsible. let me remind you, she was given two fucking weeks to work on this speech whilst i was already done with my part. i had no way to get into contact with the other partner, we'll call him jake, after arguing with mickey about how this needs to get done, she blocked me from snapchat which hurt because ive knwon her since 2nd grade and we are about to be freshmen. the next day, she tried acting like none of it happened, me, being petty, ignored her. i asked jake if he had anything done and if he jus forgot to share it with me, but no, nothing from him. my stress level was above the roof and i was so ready to give up. but instead, i stayed up endless nights to work on their speech, which was useless because we never got to go through with our plan of action. after that, we had to work on the presentation speech, i have really bad anxiety, i can never do presentations without choking up and crying so this stressed me out more. we had to write another speech, explaining our topic n shit, i started writing it immediatly and got finished. i wrote three whol paragraphs in the matter of three days. them? nothing. i got two facts from mickey and one fact from jake. there is no words to explain how livid i was. we then had to make a slide for our presentation and write note cards to remind us what the fuck we are talking about. i started writing the speech for them. i worked on the slide for them. i wrote their notecards for them. i stayed up until 2 a.m. just to fucking do this for THEM. even in class we had time to work on it for a whole hour and instead they goofed off and laughed at memes while i ripped my fucking hair out stressing for them. mickey even had the nerve to lauh and say "i love how hannah is doing all the work while sit here doing nothing" she said it as a joke but i didnt think it was funny. the day of our presentation was coming up and i was terrified. they knew nothing about what they were gonna say and i was scared they would fuck it up. after first period, i have english and i walked into the hall, jake came up to me, holding his bag and said "im leaving" i stared at him so dumbfounded whilst mickey and my two other friends came and joined. and i asked him "what?" and he said "im being dismissed early", i could hear my best friend, we'll call her natalie, she gasped and looked at me as the tears swelled in my eyes, in the moment i instantly thought to myself "this whole thing is destroyed", i tried not to cry as i watched him walk down the hallway and up the stairs but the tears fell and natalie held me whilst mickey acted like she cared. natalie had told the teacher that jake had left and the teacher told me to take out his part, but i couldnt, his part introduced the suicide topic. i finally stopped crying and it was our turn for the presentation, oddly, my anxiety wasnt as high as it shouldve been. my teacher knows very well about my anxiety and she kept hyping me up days before the presentation, saying how im gonna do so good and i didnt believe her. the presentation is supposed to be 3 or 5 mins but i talked for 11 minutes, mickey read off jake and her cards. i didnt need my cards. i know my topic very well. the presentation was like a way to rant to them about how mental illness feels. my teacher recorded the presentation. i felt so good afterwards. to let everyone know that mental health isnt an excuse, only an explanation. two hours later, jake had came back to school, i was so mad at him. i saw him in the hallway, used all my anger to punch the fuck out of his arm, and tell him to his face, "the presentation was better without you anyways, asshole" and walked away.

he went to the fucking orthadontist. THAT SHIT IS SCHEDUALED. HE KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, HE AVOIDED IT ON PURPOSE.

he never even told me sorry for leaving. they never thanked me for doing ALL of THEIR work. but you know what? i rocked that fucking presentation. so many people came up to ME afterwards and congragulated me for doing so damn well. my  "frenemny" came up to me and said "hey you stupid speech ... really hit me hard." which meant alot.

this was MY project

MY presentation

MY grade

they dont get the credit