"we don't have a relationship."
these words pierced hoseok's heart. he had regretted his decisions, all of them. doing drugs. sleeping with other men under yoongi's nose. he'd lost all motivation in what he was doing, he had lost hope in everything. he wasn't feeling good with dancing anymore. so he fucked around with some other guys, trying to get the feeling back, and eventually what he wanted to be a dip in the shallow end became a headfirst dive into drugs and prostitution.
all he did was lose yoongi.
but maybe, now was the time to win him back. maybe, just maybe, yoongi would understand.
of course he won't; you know that, hoseok. or, hoeseok.
hoseok felt empty. nothing. lost in his lie. he wanted yoongi back, to hold his tiny frame, and tell him, not just tell him, but make him understand, what he had gone through.
but hoseok didn't know that yoongi had gone through much more. yoongi was right; he had gone through too much to even begin to think he has the lightest right to say that yoongi didn't care about his feelings. hoseok was a fucking hypocrite.
hoseok was now pacing around his apartment, looking for something to wear. they had both changed a lot since they last saw each other, almost a year ago. yoongi had changed the most though. a tattoo on his wrist, his hair a mint green, and more ear piercings than men that hoseok had slept with. the time on hoseok's phone read 4.18 – he needed to get ready. he threw on a simple black jumper, a few kanji splayed down the sleeves. he pulled on some blue jeans and his doc martins, pulling his hair back and putting on his glasses. he looked decent. his phone pinged, yoongi's number popping into view.
yoongi – im down there now. where are you.
hoseok – i haven't left yet. i'll be there in five.
yoongi – k.
hoseok wished that he could send something else, but he knew that wasn't possible at the moment. he so desperately wanted to send a smiley emoji or a stupid selfie, but he was mentally past that. he didn't think he'd ever be the same again.
he left his apartment, going down the elevator and plugging in his headphones, listening to some artist. jinsang, he thought. he walked a few blocks in the freezing weather, anticipation clawing furiously at his body. he was shaking- but was it from the cold? hoseok didn't know.
he turned the corner and saw yoongi standing outside the café, looking down at something on his phone. he looked up at hoseok, stoic, and they both took a minute to drink in each other's visuals.
yoongi was in ripped jeans, his pale and scarred skin poking out in his knee and thigh rips. hoseok looked at his ear- he vaguely remembered taking a chunk out of it with a beer bottle. that was the night that yoongi ran away. he wanted to cry, right then and there.
"shall we?" yoongi croaked, the first to speak in about a minute. hoseok nodded, walking after yoongi. they sat at a booth, a waiter quick to address them. hoseok sat opposite from yoongi, huddled in a corner. a waitress came over to them.
"hi! what'll it be today, gentlemen?" she looked at hoseok inquisitively.
"two strawberry milkshakes, please," yoongi muttered. hoseok smiled weakly to himself. he remembered his favourite drink.
so... what's chang-" hoseok began, but yoongi gave him one look and hoseok knew that he needed to cut the small talk.
"you said you wanted to talk. what about?"
hoseok sighed. he knew that the next few hours weren't going to be easy. he braced himself and began to talk.
"i miss you, yoongi. my precious yoongi. i regret everything so, so much. you might think that i'm a slut, a manwhore, a person that's better off with someone else. and you'd be right in saying that i am a slut," hoseok said, his throat closing up when he saw yoongi nodding along, agreeing to everything that he was saying, " i know i am. but being with someone else, it wouldn't feel right. ya know? being with someone else when i only truly want you. you and only you. i started to feel extremely depressed, working with my dance troupe. i felt as though everyone was better than me; everyone had easier goals to reach. i am the sole reason we broke up- the boys broke up. me, and me alone," hoseok ranted.
